Bitch please Articles

Unbelievable, outrageous, or ridiculous celebrity statements or moves worthy of this kind of reply.

She’s a lucky motherf-cker

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 5, 2009 07:26:00 March 5, 2009 07:26:00

Oh such language, Gwyneth. What will the MiniVan think of such language? It’s Thursday. It’s GOOP Day. Another newsletter, another f-cking recipe. This time, she cusses during her opening paragraph – of course she’s cussing the context of being fortunate enough to have dinner cooked for her by Mario Batali in the presence of Emeril Lagasse. Full Story

Because John Mayer didn’t call

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 3, 2009 19:45:35 March 3, 2009 19:45:35

Megan Fox was spotted out and about furniture shopping with not so ex Brian Austin Green today before heading back to his place. So are they or aren’t they? Who the f-ck cares? The point is she’s NOT with John Mayer. Because he didn’t take advantage and move in there. And now Jennifer Aniston is back in LA. Full Story

Van Morrison > Justin Timberlake

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 3, 2009 06:41:00 March 3, 2009 06:41:00

Obviously. Jimmy Fallon Late Night premiere – did you watch? Can’t blame him for being totally cranked the entire time. It was the first show after all. Hopefully he’ll dial it back, chill out going forward. I buzzed for a full hour afterwards. There were ups, there were downs. The De Niro interview I enjoyed. Full Story

What Robo reads

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 2, 2009 09:07:14 March 2, 2009 09:07:14

Little Sci plays Scrabble… Amazing, non? Xenu develops advanced readers. Katie Holmes on the cover of the new Glamour – gorgeous photo shoot but for one image of the Robo trying to be “sexy”. She’s leaning back in black fishnets with one hand around her neck and a come hither expression… looks ridiculous. Full Story

Cowtown KFed Jr

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 25, 2009 09:25:19 February 25, 2009 09:25:19

Dear Calgary, I love you. I love the people. I love the spirit. I bleed Maple Leaf blue & white but I ADORE your Jarome Iginla. So this message then is out of love. Calgary – are you so hard up for celebrities, even the pseudo ones, that you’d lower yourselves to broadcasting a golddigger and the mutt he married for the sake of saying there was a star in your building? Come on Calgary… you are better than that. Full Story

Lilo & Sam hand in hand

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 25, 2009 08:05:46 February 25, 2009 08:05:46

Surprise. Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson photographed holding hands leaving a restaurant last night after a gig. Five minutes later Lilo was probably thrashing against the car window, set off by some kind of imaginary drama. As I’ve already told you, this is what it’s like with her. Life is one long series of meltdowns followed by short periods of lucidity leading to more attention seeking histrionics. Full Story

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Mischa = Tori

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 20, 2009 12:48:57 February 20, 2009 12:48:57

It’s almost the same dress, non? Tori’s in green, Mischa’s in purple, although sure, Mischa Barton is better looking. But again, most people are, with the exception of Donatella Versace. This post however is not about the assness of KFed Jr’s wife. This post is about the assness of the girl who broke my arm. Full Story

Stay home or sit DOWN

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 17, 2009 09:37:18 February 17, 2009 09:37:18

I’m no Ottawa Senators fan but Mike Fisher seems like too sweet a kid to be at this twat’s mercy. Poor thing. She will tear that boy a new asshole before golf season begins. The streaking Sens were in Nashville last night, winning their 5th in a row in a shut-out. Too little too late… but this is not a sports blog. Full Story

GOOPy leather shorts

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 12, 2009 07:13:00 February 12, 2009 07:13:00

GOOPer attended the Two Lovers premiere in New York. I can hear you – you hate them! They’re so hideous! Sigh. Not even my G can make a high waist attractive. At the same time, at least it’s not a little black dress. And this is what she’s after. Because even though you think Gwyneth Paltrow’s ensemble looks sh-tty, the fashion people probably don’t. Full Story

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You can thank the Pip!

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 9, 2009 16:20:15 February 9, 2009 16:20:15

Almost 20 million viewers tuned into the Grammy Awards last night which represented an increase of 11% compared to last year… CBS today is celebrating a huge success. Who to thank? How long will we have to wait for Pipsqueak Justin Timberlake to take the credit? You know how he is… He took credit the last time the Grammys killed the ratings. Full Story