Bitch please Articles

Unbelievable, outrageous, or ridiculous celebrity statements or moves worthy of this kind of reply.

Too Easy

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 6, 2009 13:32:09 January 6, 2009 13:32:09

Yesterday’s post about the Alba Bitch playing Taupe, using her kid for her career… Was pleasantly surprised to receive emails from you mommies quick to point out her fraud – apparently the hoop earrings were the telltale sign? See this is why I need you. Full Story

GOOP is fat!

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 6, 2009 09:15:27 January 6, 2009 09:15:27

Are you crusty today? Post holiday blues? If so, my Gwyneth is about to piss you off. Be warned. Or maybe that’s a good thing. You know you love to hate her. So she’s released her first GOOPy newsletter of the year – this time about detoxing. And she opens by telling you that she, Gwyneth Paltrow, with her own personal gym and dance studio, with her own personal trainer, with 2 hours a day dedicated to working out got fat over Christmas and needs to work on purging the Christmas weight. Full Story

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Kiki vs MKO…and rejected too!

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 8, 2008 06:35:54 December 8, 2008 06:35:54

Miami’s Art Basel convention attracted a few twats last week. Two of them apparently faced off. Wednesday night at some party, Kirsten Dunst and Mary Kate Olsen were at the same table when girl sh-t quickly ensued, probably something about who rocks a better dirty hobo style, and they started snapping at each other, ending their little spat with a black eyeliner faceoff before MK left with her boyfriend. Full Story

She speaks her own language

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 2, 2008 17:47:00 December 2, 2008 17:47:00

What makes me craziest? Hearing people, when talking about celebrities, actually trying to relate to them – a frequent theme in my inbox: Lainey, be nice. Lainey, try to understand. Lainey, more compassion please. How would YOU feel if x,y, and z? Answer: I wouldn’t. Because they don’t live in our world, they don’t live by our rules. Full Story

Hello Posh dresses

Lainey Posted by Lainey at September 17, 2008 10:27:25 September 17, 2008 10:27:25

You know she designs “haute couture” now, right? A debut collection of 10 dresses shown in New York last week that Vogue incomprehensibly called “one of the hottest things going in New York.” Anna Wintour must be trying to sleep with David Beckham. Two of Victoria’s items are showcased in this week’s issue of Hello Canada  Full Story

Dream the f&ck on, Loser!

Lainey Posted by Lainey at August 15, 2008 07:54:17 August 15, 2008 07:54:17

Just because David Silver grew up hot doesn’t mean he grew up worthy. Some things should simply never, ever, ever be uttered you know? Some things are so sacred it’s a travesty for the undeserving to even think it. A travesty and a f&cking crime. That Brian Austin Green would like to play The Riddler in the next Batman movie. Full Story

Would you call this curvy?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at August 12, 2008 07:00:36 August 12, 2008 07:00:36

Geri Halliwell, 36, graces the cover of the new Hello in a bikini, conceding that she’s struggled with her weight in the past and, in an attempt to align with the sisterhood, admitted to being self conscious about being seen in a bikini. At first, it does indeed sound like she’s one of us…'I did strive to have my most perfect body and, in moments when I lack confidence, that voice is always there waiting to tell me, "You are not good enough, do better," but I'm more conscious of it. Full Story

Sit DOWN Megan Fox

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 2, 2008 05:03:29 June 2, 2008 05:03:29

Megan Fox changed halfway through the show last night. Two outfits – one for the carpet, one for presenting on stage. Really??? Her??? Really?? The poor man’s Angelina Jolie? TWO DRESSES? Bitch… please!!! Megan Fox is, at best, a Blender girl. Crack open a skin rag – there are easily at least half a dozen skanks who look exactly like her. Full Story

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How Much Effort…

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 31, 2008 06:02:00 March 31, 2008 06:02:00

Do you think it takes the Alba Bitch to smile? And to hide her crusty ass from the children? Under these circumstances, at the Kids’ Choice Awards, she must be grinding her teeth to the point of a migraine. Bet your boob job Cash Warren received a tongue lashing that night. For overflow. Like using a breast bump. Full Story

Shelfy Back to Brown

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 18, 2008 14:26:00 March 18, 2008 14:26:00

Much better as a brunette. Here’s Jessica Biel, walking her dog, showing off her newly re-darkened natural locks after posing as a blonde for Easy Virtue. Check her out trying to “turn away” from the cameras… Ummm. Shelfy? Sit DOWN! As if she didn’t want to be photographed, like, one day after getting her hair coloured. Full Story

Granny Freeze Bat Attack!

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 13, 2008 21:16:00 March 13, 2008 21:16:00

Thank you for all your emails about the Daily Mail’s analysis today of Nicole Kidman’s Bat Face. No joke. They actually compared her to a bat. Because of the freeze, of course. Because Gran can’t lay off the Botox. And they recruited a top Botox specialist to assess her work. He subsequently railed on her for giving Botox a bad name, for over-using and ruining her face, effectively turning it into the possum of the night. Full Story