The CFDAs host the Blue Ivy Carter

June 7, 2016 16:10:02 Posted at June 7, 2016 16:10:02
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Instagram, Jackson Lee/ Splash News

After we went to Formation, Duana became devout. Beyoncé ended up possessing her for an entire week. I’m not actually sure she’s out of it. She basically stole every minute she could out of every day she had to read anything on Beyoncé, including an unauthorised biography with what’s now her favourite Beyoncé story about the only time Tina Knowles ever slapped Beyoncé. In Duana’s words:

“Record store, shopping with her parents. She’s 18. Bill Bills Bills is on. Boys checking her out. So she starts kind of humming along, dancing etc. Pretending not to notice the guys checking her out. Her mother tries to get her attention, she ignores her. She tries again, Beyoncé still ignores her. Because every time her mother says “Beyoncé” she’s ruining her vibe, right? Anyway, “Beyoncé, I’m talking to you!” She ignores her one more time. So her mother smacked her.

Beyoncé is shocked. Remember she’d probably earned a million dollars by then. Tina made her go sit in the car!”

We can’t relate to Beyoncé about much. But we can relate to Beyoncé on this. How many times has your mother whooped you at the mall and made you go sit in the car? Dude, my mother has even left me at the mall and made me walk home… after whooping me at the mall!

The reason this story is insightful? It speaks to Beyoncé’s own formation. You’ve heard about how Mathew Knowles had them run and sing so that they’d be able to keep up the vocals live on stage. You’ve heard about all those basement sessions. But on the other side of it all, there was Tina, smacking her in the tank top aisle when she was 18 years old, being an insolent teenager. Beyoncé will always answer to her mother.

So… on that note…

Who does the Blue Ivy Carter answer to?

Look at her, arriving at the CFDAs last night, telling the world what’s up.


Jay Z & Blue tonight #CFDAAwards

A video posted by Beyoncé (@beylite) on

That story about Beyoncé and Tina at the mall when she’s 18 - will that ever happen to Blue? Dumb question. As if Blue would never go to the mall. Still. It’s for sure going to be Beyonce if it’s anyone who’s shutting it down. Because look at the expression on Jay Z’s face. He’s lost already:



A photo posted by Beyoncé (@beylite) on

Here again is Beyoncé’s speech from last night. Pay attention to the cutaways of Blue, watching her mother on stage, using her platform, a platform that was crystallised by the birth of this very child:

One day Blue will appreciate that she is the first recipient of Lemonade, in a long line of Lemonade drinkers. But f-ck, I wish we could know now what she does with that recipe.

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