Porn is Sweet

May 16, 2008 07:56:00 Posted at May 16, 2008 07:56:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

There was a new element to Pitt Porn last night on the Kung Fu Panda Carpet. Something different. Something softer. Something equally as quivering but more sweet than sexy. They put on a show per usual but this time, instead of evoking images of full on headboard banging, leather straps and gymnastics in the bedroom, what emerged instead was an intoxicating illustration of a couple totally in tune and deeply in love. Rossum over my gush, please go ahead. But no one watching the Sweet Pitt Porn last night would disagree. They are sickeningly appealing.

As you would expect, the crowd went bananas when they arrived. Even hours before. The lines on the Croisette were thicker, louder, and more restless. When they finally came out of their car, they lost their sh*t. And they were not disappointed.

The Pitts, it seems have taken on a rather royal comportment. On any other occasion it would be like – whatever, sit DOWN movie stars but given the welcome they received, it almost seemed fitting. There is a benevolence to the way they look upon their subjects, the super fans and the Brangelunatics screaming their tits off, that actually validates their devotion. In the day and age of reality loser stars, those who become famous for no reason – an epidemic created by Ebola Paris Hilton and perpetuated by Heidi Montag – these two are legitimate supernovas. If anyone deserves that kind of crazy, it is indeed the Brange.

She was breathtaking last night night. In a green dress with her baby boobs on display and her hair hanging loosely by her face, he kept his eyes on her pretty much the entire time. There were a lot of secret giggles – they do this a lot – probably fake as sh*t but you swallow it whole anyway, especially when they sell it so well.

As opposed to previous Pitt Porn product placements, there was very little hand on ass. Instead, he kept his arm around her waist or resting on occasion lightly on her shoulder, rubbing the pointy bone right where the shoulder means the top of your arm.

When she was asked to pose alone or with her costars, she’d return to him almost with a smile seeking approval. Like … hi! Was I ok? It was the cutest thing. And just before heading inside, right after they had finished with a final pose at the top of the stairs, she turned to him and seemed to take a deep breath of relief. You could see him ask her – you alright? And she said yeah, and then he dipped down quickly and nipped her on the side of the neck before some security dude barked at everyone to go to the right.

One quick note about her due date – apparently they’re saying now that Dustin Hoffman was joking about August 19th. That Angie told a French tv station that she was due in a few weeks. Needless to say, if that’s the case, the Wonder Twins will not be activated on 8/8/8.

Photos from

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