Porn then Punch

February 8, 2010 11:44:00 Posted at February 8, 2010 11:44:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Last night they loved it up at the Super Bowl, now they’re getting litigious. The Brange has called in the cavalry, their lawyers have been instructed to take some ass. Let’s review.

Three weeks ago the earth stopped turning because word leaked that the Brange was done. Mainstream agencies including major network newscasts reported the story as fact, even though the source of the split was News of The World, a shady UK tabloid notorious for sketchy claims. People were so hungry for this to be true however that they neglected to properly investigate.

According to NOTW, the Brange had met with a high powered divorce attorney, subsequently identified by other publications as Sorrell Trope, and had hammered out a separation agreement. An announcement was to be forthcoming. Needless to say, there was no announcement. And there is no Sorrell Trope. Well, there is a Sorrell Trope but he has released a statement definitively denying that the Brange sought his services:

"I have had no contact from... Angelina Jolie and / or Brad Pitt. I have never met... your clients or had any involvement with either of them. The foregoing is true with respect to all other members of this firm."

Not surprisingly, the NOTW article which was originally posted here has since been taken down. The Brange is suing. The Brange wants a retraction and an apology and the Brange wants its brand restored.

Sure, this is about image protection. But this is also about reliable slamdunk smut. I’m all for sensationalism and scandal. But it’s a total buzzkill when it comes from bottom feeding rags writing fiction week after week. In this case, as I already noted, News of the World was scrambling. The paper was forced by injunction to hold on a major story about John Terry, captain of the English team, who cheated on his wife with some broad who used to date some other player and who is now selling her story. Something like that. Many believe NOTW had to find a new front page in five minutes. The result was a Brange split. And the consequence of that is now a lawsuit.

We are all cynical bitches. We should all look for ulterior motives when it comes to celebrities. But in this case, the smoke yielded no fire. The smoke simply yielded bad reporting. So the Pitt Porn will continue. And this is good. Because we are clearly still obsessed with them. Which means they can’t break up until we’re bored.

To see more photos of the Pitt Porn Super Bowl edition last night, click here.

PS. Chris Martin has yet to sue Star Magazine. Just saying.

File photo from

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