The Week in Tabloids starring Brad Pitt
I wonder if Brad Pitt considers what happened with Parade Magazine a gross miscalculation. And this is not someone who grossly miscalculates very often. The Brange, as you know, operates with military precision. But as a result of that Parade interview, misconstrued or not, he and his ex-wife Jennifer Aniston are now the big tabloid focus for the week, which happens to be when his movie is opening. Friday. Moneyball.
Some would say any press is good press. And that as long as his face is out there, it doesn’t matter what they’re saying. So what are they saying?
Well, they’re saying that he sh-t on Aniston and their life together because he’s jealous now that she’s in love with Justin Theroux. Both OK! and Us Weekly are of this opinion. While Us is quick to stress that things are fine between Brad and Angelina, they do report that Jennifer’s people were all over his ass about an apology, and in giving that apology, he may have ended up humiliating the Jolie.
The best of them all, by far, however, comes courtesy of In Touch Weekly. They say that Justin Theroux threw down with Brad to defend Jen’s honour and may challenge him to a duel. Or something. Whatever. The specifics aren’t important - because they’re bullsh-t. What matters is that this is Great for Gossip. Amazing for Gossip.
Imagine the possibilities?
Give it a few weeks and Brad will be showing up unannounced at Jen’s NYC apartment hoping to reconcile because he can’t stand being replaced. The Jolie and Justin will become leather jacket twins. All of it will build towards the Oscars for a major showdown. Brad has a good shot at a nomination. And, ohhhhhhhhh!, how convenient, Jen and Justin’s new film Wanderlust has been pushed back to February 2012.
You know what happens in February?
Yes. They all go to the Kodak for the Academy Awards. And big names like Jen are often asked to present when they have movies coming out.
This sh-t writes itself.
But first we have to get there. And this is why Brad is busy hustling Moneyball. With a surprising amount of effort. I mean, it’s been a long time since Brad Pit made the talk show circuit. And now he’s visiting with Ellen (to air Thursday) and not limiting the discussion to work:
Ellen: Portia and I have been together for six years and you and Angie have been together about the same amount of time. I just think wow, Maddox and Pax and Zahra and Buff and Hensman and…Tito. There is so many of them. I don’t know how you balance? There’s got to be one really, really well behaved one. Who’s your favorite?
Brad: (laughing)…How do I get out of this one?
Ellen: So you’re traveling a lot. You have the kids. You have a career and Angie has a career. How do you have time to keep...to have the romance. Have alone time. Do you just sometimes say, we will be back in a month? Just leave them at home?
Brad: We find our time. We carve out Mommy, Daddy time… It’s called a hotel.
Ellen: That’s what I’m getting at.
Brad: You got to get out of this house. You got to leave.
Ellen: When people ask you and Angie if you’re getting married you’ve said that, well I’ll let you say it.
Brad: I’ve said that we would not be getting married until everyone in this country had the right to get married…
Ellen: I love that.
Brad: …We live in this great country that is about freedom. It is defined by our freedom and equality and yet we allow this discrimination to go on everyday and that’s not what we’re about. That’s not what makes us great. Until that is reversed. I just don’t get it. "It'a make'a no sense to me" (in a italian accent)
Ellen: Thank you. So that means if like, next week if it’s legal for everyone to get married that you would then be getting married the very next day. It seems.
Brad: It seems.
Ellen: Doesn’t that seem like the right thing?
Brad: I do. The kids are putting on the heat. They really are. They are putting on the heat.
Ellen: You’ll still hold out?
Brad: How do you get it out of this one? Somebody help me. I don’t know what the future holds…
He wants Moneyball SO bad.
So bad he even sat down for Moviefone!!! You can watch the full interview here. Put it this way - he’s taking questions from “fans”. Put it this way - this is what Twilight people do to promote their work. Put it this way - George Clooney isn’t doing Moviefone.
Anyway, when asked by Jonah Hill - that’s how the Unscripted interviews work - about what he will consider his “legacy” film when the career is over, here’s how Brad answered, which no one will hear, and no one will read about, because he called his life with Jennifer Aniston “pathetic” and “dull”. It was a gift, you know. It was a gift.