The Holy Birth

July 14, 2008 05:30:10 Posted at July 14, 2008 05:30:10
Lainey Posted by Lainey

All those magazine covers and exclusive stories, all the rumours, all the speculation... the Pitts must have been laughing. Hard. Because remember, in the end, the Pitts are always in control. And with the birth of a girl AND a boy, the Pitts proved them all wrong.

For weeks and weeks, it was a foregone conclusion – Entertainment Tonight going so far as to prematurely report the names of two baby girls born to The Brange called Isla and Amelie. Other suggestions were much more sinister: that the girls had arrived dangerously early, that the girls were at the centre of a drug-addicted conspiracy, being kept in hospital while their mother detoxed from heroin.



In the end, Brad and Angelina, the masters of media manipulation, demonstrated yet again that you can’t play the Pitts. And just to punctuate their supremacy, the mayor of Nice – beside himself that his town is suddenly the site of worldwide attention – appeared outside the hospital on Sunday to present a birth certificate (attached): official documentation that the twins arrived on July 12th. And not a minute sooner.

They were born on Saturday night. First came their son, Knox Leon, at 5 lbs 3 ounces, and then Vivienne Marcheline, weighing an equally healthy 5 lbs. Maddox, Pax, now Knox – apparently a maternal family name on the Pitt side, and Vivienne Marcheline which is especially sweet, from the French “vivre” to live so that Marcheline’s memory endures in her granddaughter. The lunatics are weeping.

They are also losing their sh*t over the details, meticulously doled out like crumbs to the faithful by Dr Sussman, Angelina’s obstetrician, who revealed that the Pitts were totally in tune with each other throughout the process, “talking...together... It was an epidural so (Angelina) was awake and speaking and laughing. They were happy.”

Brad was at her side throughout with Dr Sussman quipping that “he was my assistant!” For those desperately needing to know, Brad cut the umbilical cords and was “perfectly calm, totally determined, very pleased to be at the birth of his children, very moved and very emotional.”

Dr Sussman is rather articulate, non?

So now that they’re finally here, it’s time for the photo sweepstakes. Nice Matin, the local publication that first broke the news, claims a deal has already been signed for US$11 million. has already dedicated an entire section to the momentous event. Word is it was People and OK! that were furiously bidding for first rights. I’m going with

The more interesting question though...

How many days before Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer are caught “en flagrante” in his tour bus? Or visiting a jewellery store for an engagement ring. Or showing off a baby bump?

Silly Jen.

When will she learn you can’t fight the gods?

Photos from

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