Ejiofor, Fassbender and Pitt are conspiring against us
I love Michael Fassbender. I almost love him more than Ryan Gosling. I love him so much I never want to meet/see him for fear of him doing something to wreck my crush. I love him, shark smile and all. There’s no point to this, I just wanted to confess my extreme and unreasonable Fass-love.
Remember that five minutes in Inglorious Basterds when The Fassbender and Brad Pitt were in the same scene? Remember how awesome it was? Well now we’re going to get two hours of that. Pitt’s production company, Plan B, is on board to produce director Steve McQueen’s third film, Twelve Years a Slave. Based on Solomon Northrup’s autobiography, it’s about Northrup’s kidnapping in the 1840’s and how he, a free black man, was subjected to over a decade of slavery. This is a true story, too, which is just…yikes.
McQueen’s muse, The Fassbender, is already set to star in an unnamed role and one of my favorite actors, Chiwetel Ejiofor, is on as Northrup. Now Screen Daily is reporting that Pitt will join the cast, too, though there are no details on his part. So that’s The Fassbender, Chiwetel Ejiofor and Brad Pitt in a movie together. Let that sink in.
Can we handle this? Can we handle this much hotness in one movie? And it’s not normal hotness either. These are three insanely attractive men who are also crazily charismatic and legit intelligent set to star together in what is sure to be a really good, intense movie - McQueen doesn’t have a setting other than “really good and intense”. Though the story is a major bummer, those three might make it too much to handle. The Ejiofor and Fassbender combination was bad enough, but with Pitt added into the mix my head hurts just thinking about it—Moneyball completely reignited my Pitt-crush, didn’t it for you?
You know what would be even better? Let this be Ejiofor’s break in the US. He’s so beautiful and such a fantastic actor and the UK has been hogging him for years. McQueen propelled The Fassbender onto the world stage in 2008 with Hunger. Can he do the same for Ejiofor? (Lainey: let’s hope yes, if only as a f-ck you to every Hollywood agent who told him to change his name.)