Who can resist the tears of a woman, even a woman as irritatingly ignorant as Britney Spears? In case you haven’t heard, Britney almost dropped her baby the other day, in front a large crowd of pappies, wearing heels and holding a drink, her ankle turned, Sean’s head snapped back, and she was steadied in the knick of time before doing serious damage to her child. All captured on film and widely broadcast around the world, soliciting derision and scorn from indignant mothers and celebrities watchers from Santa Monica to Shanghai and back again.
I don’t have the energy to speculate on how badly she’s going to f&ck up her kid. Besides, with that kind of genetic low classy combination, it’s not like SPF was predisposed to greatness anyway. So please, let’s not beat a deadbeat. His last name is FEDERLINE for Christ’s sake! How high were your expectations to begin with???
And truth be told, as new photos of her clearly in distress have now surfaced, my raging bitch has suddenly made a hasty retreat in favour of a little compassion. Compassion for an unprepared, unguided, hormonally imbalanced young mother whose husband and family and friends have obviously deserted her – in body and in spirit.
The husband vacuum isn’t surprising. But where, pray tell, is Lynn? Oh right. There’s another star in the family now. Another product to pimp. More millions to make. Gotta bank on the fresher commodity, non? Who needs to deal with the headstrong but stupid older daughter when the little one can still be molded? You think I’m being too hard on the mama? Think again.
Because if it was me teetering on skyhigh wedges and almost killing my child in the process, if my baby had already suffered damage by falling off a high chair, if I had married some punk ass money-sucking chainsmoking derelict, and if I was too illiterate to understand child safety transportation guidelines – you bet your boob job the insufferable squawking cow otherwise known as my mother would be parked next to my Chinese ass for as long as it took to straighten me out, no matter how much she despises babies and animals.
So no. I don’t think I’m being too hard on Lynn Spears. In my opinion, any woman who spends a lifetime rabidly pursuing fame through the successes and failures of her children is open for criticism. Get a life, woman! But the worst part is - in the spirit of this inherited and sucky parenting example, Britney Spears has clearly taken after her own mother.
Which is a damn shame indeed. Only The Judy could save a mess like this. And if I could, I’d lend Britney my own mother. Because I’m telling you, one week with her and you’d see a miracle. Guaranteed.