Britney’s New Year’s Collapse: Fact or Fiction?

January 2, 2007 12:00:00 Posted at January 2, 2007 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey
By now I’m sure you’ve heard: Robin Leach, writing for Luxe Life, a Vegas gossip column, reported that on Sunday night, shortly before 1am, Britney supposedly collapsed at Pure, necessitating military-like security measures to wrap and cover and carry her body out of the club. Naturally, considering the poonie flaps and the swirl of smut surrounding Spears of late, every gossip and her main ‘Mo has jumped all over the story, absolutely 100% convinced the mother of two will be checking into rehab imminently. Such assumptions are certainly warranted – it’s not like she’s given anyone any reason to doubt that she’s completely f&cked – but in the spirit of Gil Grissom, I wouldn’t call this a slamdunk case of Britney debauchery quite yet, and No…it has nothing to do with the standard denial coming from her publicity team and Larry Rudolph who attributed her departure to fatigue rather than folly, insisting that she walked out of the club on her own and was not attended to by paramedics. Shall we CSI? Consider the originating source of the report – the Luxe Life article, click here for reference. Note the conflicting eyewitness statements: “two of her dancers wrapped Britney in what appeared to be a blanket-hooded poncho. Literally carrying her in both arms, they managed to propell (sic) her through the crowds and out of the club.” I don’t know about you but that barely makes any sense. And it makes even less sense later on, keeping in mind that she was first said to have been “carried in both arms” and then two sentences later, other sources describe that "she was being dragged as she wasn"t walking under her own speed". So was she carried or was she dragged? Even more suspicious is the fact that there are NO photos substantiating the claim. Of course, scandal is often never accompanied with illustration but in this case, on this night, the joint was packed with onlookers and pappies and you can see the result of such splashed all over blogs and message boards – a few are attached here and the rest can be seen at Britney Evolution, two pages worth of images depicting a budget looking Britney with a bunk-ass weave and too many folds on her young neck hootin’ and hollerin’ and holding court over lucky revelers eager for a glimpse, flanked by her dancers and the ever-present Larry Rudolph. Still…in spite of the abundance of pictures capturing every OTHER move she made, curiously enough, as of press time (January 3rd, midnight), no one has managed to score any of the alleged exit drama – something like 10 to 15 guards bulldozing their way through the club to extricate an incapacitated Britney and no one managed to click on a cell phone? I hear from sources close to a photographer on scene that they were watching her practically all night, waiting for a money shot, knowing the kind of cash a scandal pic can bring, this is their livelihood after all, and they said they saw nothing - which isn’t to say it didn’t happen, only if it did, none of the professionals seemed to be paying attention. Now I’m not saying she didn’t overdose or drink herself into oblivion or pass out and suck a c*ck or two on the way down. She very well could have – I mean it’s Britney, right? ANYthing is possible. But right now, I’d say this smut is more speculative than it is solid and until we get some good pics of her chicken fried ass blitzed out and unconscious, I’d focus less on stories of collapse and more on the hardcore skank moves she’s throwin’ down on the dance floor. There is something particularly unsavoury about the way Britney spreads her legs, you know? Not exactly the most fetching pose to begin with but on her, it’s a whole new level of low classy – the kind of low classy who really wouldn’t mind getting jacked by Johnny Ray and Billy Johnny in the back of a pick up behind Martha’s Sugar Shack. Only a girl like THAT dances like THIS. Source
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