Chicken Fried Bomb

September 10, 2007 00:00:00 Posted at September 10, 2007 00:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

They opened the show on a shot of her budget ass nappy weave – it was a sign of things to come.

At least try, you know? At least flail your arms and give yourself a hernia from the effort. At least SHOW UP!!!

Instead, Britney went through the motions in a daze…disinterested, disengaged, maybe stoned off her tree, she could barely remember the words, barely had enough energy to lift her arms, barely bothered to do much of anything to say nothing of the tired, uninspired choreography. In a word: boring.

So boring that the most hilarious parts were the camera pans to the audience. 50 Cent, with his mouth half open in disbelief, almost killed me. As did T.I. at the very end who kept looking around as if to say: what just happened? Do I clap? Do I not clap? Should I clap?

No one knew what to do…and it got even worse when Sarah Silverman decided to tear Britney a new asshole.

Was it mean? Absolutely. It was mean, it was vicious, and the part about the children was probably way off side.

“Was that incredible? (Britney) is amazing. I mean, she is 25 years old and she’s already accomplished everything she’s going to accomplish in her life. It’s weird to think that just a few years ago on this very show, she was this, like, sweet innocent little girl in slutty clothes writhing around with a python. That’s not nice…calling Madonna a python. Have you seen Britney’s kids? Oh my god, they are the most adorable mistakes you will ever see. They are as cute as the hairless vagina they came out of.”
Followed by Sarah pulling both sides of her mouth into a long line up and down…

Yes, yes. Totally inappropriate.

But here’s the thing: if Britney had at least worked hard, if she had attended rehearsal, if she hadn’t slept in all day after partying with Diddy and Hollywood Ebola all night, if she wasn’t messing around with Criss Angel in hotel rooms every weekend, if she stayed home and chilled herself out once in a while, perhaps a little sympathy would be in order.

Of course the excuses are already flooding in. Something about safety concerns from the hotel necessitating a completely choreographical overhaul and eliminating Criss Angel and/or also the blaming Sarah Silverman’s planned remarks on Britney’s state of mind. Word from Camp Spears is that MTV promised Britney’s children would be off limits and were seen shouting at Sarah backstage because they found out what she was planning to say. Suppsedly once Britney got wind of it, she felt deflated and distracted and couldn’t continue, too upset to give it her all.

As you would expect, this is the version of the story now being leaked by her people, desperately seeking sympathy.

But Britney chose to haul her chicken fried ass to Vegas, she chose to accept an assignment for which she was not ready, she chose to set herself up for failure, she chose to settle for sh-t. In blatantly inviting the scrutiny while living in the fishbowl that is Los Angeles, claiming to be seeking privacy, in choosing to prioritise her social life over her career … if those are her choices … I say game on.

Chicken fried lazy ass doesn’t deserve your sympathy.




Previous Article Next Article