Shelf Ass Strikes Back and still overreaches

June 20, 2007 00:00:00 Posted at June 20, 2007 00:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Cameron Diaz has been prancing around Europe in a series of hot dresses showing off her tight curves, now Jessica Biel is roaring back with the famous Shelf Ass – the one asset that has propelled her from existence on the B List to JT’s latest clinger and therefore A List attention.

Here she is on the cover of the newest GQ showing off, of course, her killer body. As you would expect, the magazine goes on and on about her hotness with the writer going so far as to openly comment:

“You never quite understand how unattractive you are until you see yourself in a picture with Jessica Biel.”

Now the physique? The abs? The bottom? I can totally understand.

But the face??? Really??? Call me Cruise…maybe it’s just me but the face ain’t all that.

But here’s the thing about Jessica Biel – a few months ago she expressed a desire to be taken seriously as an actor, to be considered for the roles that normally go to Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johansson, the “top tier” of girls. She also said that she hoped that her recent roles will give producers a better idea of what she can bring to the table.


See attached GQ cover and photo?

Shelf Ass needs to make up her mind, non?

Because first of all, her “recent roles” have consisted of a damsel in distress in that garbage Nicolas Cage movie (wait…that isn’t very descriptive is it? EVERY Nicolas Cage movie is garbage these days!!!) and the token girl in the upcoming Adam Sandler vehicle I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry. I’m sorry… how is that exercising any acting ability? Have you seen the trailer for it? She spends the entire time in her underwear!!! And that, gossips, is how Jessica Biel gets sold.

On the basis of her body, period.

Which is not a bad thing. It’s not a bad thing for someone who can accept her lot in life. TV girl turned movie tart who should be happy with the scraps. And this is a great start, this GQ spread. Perhaps this is a sign that Jessica Biel has stopped overreaching?

Or not.

As she told the magazine:
“I want choices. I want options. I want to lay out all the directions I could go and have the ability to choose. I’m slowly starting to have that now.”

Again…thanks to a Shelf Ass and a great publicist.


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