Country Asskisser

April 7, 2009 10:29:32 Posted at April 7, 2009 10:29:32
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Someone emailed me the other day along the lines of: Lainey, if Carrie Underwood is a bitch and you love bitches than why do you hate Carrie Underwood?


Because she’s a fraud.

A sweet and sugar on the outside, poison flowing on the inside fraud. Ask those she’s cussed out and dismissed. They’ll give it to you straight up. Anna Wintour would never hide her bitch. Carrie is hiding her bitch.

Of course the MiniVan finds this hard to believe. Because she’s blonde and loves the Lord. And also because of stank ass Rossum moves like this – consider yourself warned: you must resist the urge to punch.

So the other night at the ACM Awards, Matthew McConaughey presented Entertainer of the Year. Before announcing Carrie’s name, Matthew expressed his affection for George Strait, recounting how he got “lucky” one night while wearing George Strait’s boots. Something like that.

When Carrie came up on stage for her acceptance speech, she joked: “I don't know what to say. I got nothin' ... I want to see those boots, Matthew.” Quite possibly the first time she’s shown a little personality.

Apparently what she said constituted a Country Sin. For which she had to apologise to the ENTIRE WORLD via Fox News. Of course Fox News.

"I'm so embarrassed, I totally embarrassed myself. I just blanked. You want to say something eloquent in a moment like that and I embarrassed myself. I'm sorry Matthew, I'm sorry to my family. I'm totally embarrassed."

Um…sorry for what? Embarrassed for what?

What, exactly, did she do wrong?

Is this how it is? Humour is outlawed. Cookies for everyone and only sweetness should be served. Oh joy! Do you want to live there?

This is what happens when you play it too safe. Even worse when you’re faking it safe. She is faking it safe. Trust.

Attached – McConaughey presenting to Underwood and with Camila Alves on the carpet.


Photos from Miller/ and

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