The Baby & Bitch strategy

March 19, 2012 16:25:47 Posted at March 19, 2012 16:25:47
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Photos:
Wenn, Splash
Before you Twi-Hards get carried away with your reading limitations, I’ll say now off the top that Snow White & The Huntsman looks F-CKING AWESOME and I can’t wait to see it. I was with some Universal people all week and they promised me that it will deliver. But a good movie still must be sold. And how do we sell these days?

Well, the Charlize Theron strategy seems to be based on Baby & Bitch.

Last week, Charlize Theron confirmed that she’d adopted a baby boy called Jackson. From what I understand, it was not a pre-emptive move. There was no tabloid that had the scoop necessitating her own play to counter the story and control it for herself. But she was scheduled to appear at WonderCon this weekend with Kristen Stewart to promote Snow White & The Huntsman and her role as the Evil Queen. And she did appear on The Today Show this morning, again with Stewart, to build momentum for the film as a new extended trailer was released online. Oh, yeah, and a new trailer for Prometheus came out too.

Coincidence or conspiracy?

Oh please.

If it was the Brange making these manoeuvres you’d be all over the famewhorey-ness of it. The fact is babies sell. And while none of them would ever admit to it - certainly not Charlize - the baby is often part of the strategy. This is what Hollywood is. Hollywood turns babies into pimps.

And then there’s Charlize the bitch. Bitchy Charlize is the other half of her media machine. She and Kristen Stewart were self labelling bitches the whole time at WonderCon. This, naturally, complements her Queen Ravenna in Snow White who, as you’ve seen, is a raging bitch, totally unlike Julia Roberts’s cartoony, ridiculous bitch in Mirror Mirror.

Yes, Twi-Hards. At the theatre, Charlize’s character is the more interesting bitch. Fist pump, foamy mouth, go Charlize and everyone that any Twilight person has ever worked with!

Sarah has already noted - click here for a refresher - that Snow White & The Huntsman and Mirror Mirror are two totally different movies aimed at totally different demographics. So there shouldn’t be a comparison.

F-ck it. Having seen Mirror Mirror, I’m comparing anyway.

Snow White & The Huntsman is far superior.

In real life though...

Who does bitch more artfully? Who is the more formidable True Bitch Evil Queen?

The thing about Charlize Theron is that her bitch is all about long-legged strutting, cut-eyes, and talking to her hand. You know when she’s stabbing you. Because she’ll throw her head back and cackle at the sky as you’re bleeding, there’s nothing subtle about it.  

Julia Roberts’s bitch, however, is bestowed on you with benevolence. Her bitch is a kindness that will strangle you slowly...while she’s smiling with that wide mouth, laughing at you with her goose honk. And, as you lie dying, SHE will be the one comforted for her pain and suffering.

In the cage-match of life, no other bitch can bring down Julia Roberts is what I’m saying.

Below - the spine-tinglingly amazing extended trailer for Snow White & The Huntsman - Let.Them.Come. - and then the brand new full length trailer for Prometheus which is also pretty sick...and terrifying with that goddamn screaming in the background. But... do you find Noomi Rapace a little underwhelming? Go away doubts, please go away. Two and a half minutes mean nothing, right?

Snow White & The Huntstman extended trailer

Prometheus first full trailer

Attached - photos of Charlize Theron at various events this weekend.