Oprah’s Mission Hetero

April 29, 2008 06:45:28 Posted at April 29, 2008 06:45:28
Lainey Posted by Lainey

She is working HARD for the GMD. Almost too hard. Too hard to be entirely altruistic. Is your smutty sense tingling?

Turns out that during her Tom Cruise two part special beginning Friday, Oprah recruits Cher to vouch for the GMD’s ungayness by recounting their brief affair 25 years ago. He was just breaking out at the time and they split because of conflicting schedules. Cher insists though that had they stayed together, it would have been a “great romance” and that she was “crazy about him” despite, or perhaps because of, their 16 year age difference.

Apparently he was awkward then – clearly things haven’t changed much. According to Cher, he was super reserved, always an outcast in school:
"He was shy. He said he felt like such a boob in school and nobody talked to him. We went on a date once for dinner in a New York restaurant and the waitress was from his old school. He told me she never talked to him back in school, but now he was recognised he got all her attention.”

Cher went on to hint at an evening of great passion – she called it a “long night” spent wrapped in his arms. At this point, Oprah’s little lambs do as they always do on these occasions: bursting into hysterics, whooping and hollering in the aisles, almost fainting with excitement. Must have been the same crowd that did the same thing 3 years ago when he jumped on her couch. Not sure what was freakier – his incessant fist pumps or an audience that did NOT seem to be alarmed in the least.

The point?

Cher, the gay icon, is not so subtly asserting to Oprah’s congregation that the GMD is in fact NOT the GMD. Because a young gay man just discovering his gay would never, ever, ever find himself just a little bit in love with Cher, right???

Please.

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