Chinese Squawking Chicken Articles
It’s Dame Angelina now. Queen Elizabeth made Angelina Jolie an honourer Commander of the Most Distinguished Order of St Michael and St George on Friday on a Birthday Honours list that also included Daniel Day-Lewis, Maggie Smith, and Damian Lewis. Some of you complained. And I would agree with you – that she’s a Hollywood star, and an American, and sure she just came off a busy week for the Global Summit To End Sexual Violence In Conflict but there are non-famous heroes who deserve recognition and crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby – but, you know, talk to me when you’re finished bitching about the guy from Homeland. Full Story
What do you want to talk about today?
Want to talk about how I wish I had a dire wolf and would give up all gifts for the rest of my life in exchange for one? Probably not.
Or how about Selena Gomez and...Orlando Bloom? Not that either.
Chris Martin speaking obliquely about consciously uncoupling from Gwyneth Paltrow? Maybe. But later.
George Clooney is engaged. This is the only headline in gossip, right? Ok. Read Full Intro
I am an only child. My parents divorced when I was six years old. I wasn’t an outgoing person. I didn’t have a lot in common with the other kids at school, often being the only Chinese student in a classroom full of people whose parents also grew up in Canada or in other parts of the world where English is the first language. Full Story
Have you heard the “sad” version of Pharrell’s Happy by Woodkid? Have attached below. I’m obsessed. When I listen to it I picture Gwyneth Paltrow in her garden, picking vegetables, ruminating on life. Also, it’s the celebrity’s metaphor for, like, everything. Which is hilarious. One day some actor will mention it in a video. “You know that song Happy? Well it’s all in the interpretation. Read Full Intro
I’m wearing earrings today. Little studs my ma, the Chinese Squawking Chicken, shoved at me at her birthday party on Saturday. Not a gift though. It’s a fortune telling/feng shui good luck thing. Because I don’t normally do accessories. Just a gold chain I never take off around my neck with a rooster pendant hanging from it, also for fortune telling/feng shui. At the Oscars I didn’t wear earrings and my hair was up. Read Full Intro
How about one for the Twi-Hards? Robert Pattinson is working on a film in Toronto. I live in Toronto. He was on set today with a cow. Dragging the cow. I am a cow. A f-cking cow. Let's just go ahead and call the cow Lainey, even though Lainey is a blonde cow. They couldn't find a dark brown cow? It does make a lot of sense though. Full Story
Gwyneth Paltrow went to a party at Charlize Theron’s yesterday. G and Charlize were also hanging out at Sean Penn’s Haiti fundraiser a few weeks ago. So I guess she really is friends with everyone except for Madonna. Still. And she’s going to need her friends, especially the Tigers, this year. Full Story
I feel like it's kinda perfect that the Super Bowl is happening over Chinese New Year weekend. Feasting and celebrating is always good this time of year -- good luck likes a party. When my ma, the Chinese Squawking Chicken, was heading into a really, really sh-t cycle for Tigers (she's a Tiger Mother for real), she insisted on a major birthday party, even more extravagant than usual, so that the happiness and goodwill generated on the occasion might provide some padding against what she was facing. She ended up in hospital a few months later, the beginning of what would be a brutal fight against a rare disease. Which she's still recovering from. But the point is - she's recovering. And she often says that party may have been the difference between recovery and loss. Or she could just be saying that because Jacek and I paid for that party, as we do all her parties, and she's telling us that we have to keep doing it. Guess whose birthday happens in a month?
The blog may be lighter today for Chinese New Year. Back to full schedule on Monday.
May the Horse be kind, gentle, and forgiving. May you be happy and healthy and loved this year.
GUNG HAY FAT CHOY! Happy New Year!
Yours in gossip,
After yesterday’s open about the Year of the Horse being sh-tty for those who are born Rats (click here for a refresher), I received a few emails, some complaining about the Rat getting all the attention. Like this one from Jennifer:
“UM, WTF...year of horse is all about rats?”
But why not spend more time helping and warning those who aren’t going to be lucky over those who will be lucky? You’re already lucky. Read Full Intro
There are a lot of Rats in Hollywood. 1972 seems to be a big celebrity year. In addition to Gwyneth Paltrow, there’s also Ben Affleck, Jennifer Garner, Jude Law, Eminem, Sofia Vergara, and Cameron Diaz. Cam stepped out last night in New York at the TAG Heuer flagship opening in an amazing coat and fresh skin, looking like she’s ready for whatever sh-t the Horse is about to jam in her face. Full Story
Michael Buckner/ Getty
You think Gwyneth Paltrow believes in Chinese astrology? She’s a Rat. And the Year of the Horse is not supposed to be good to Rats. I care about Gwyneth a lot. So, if possible, if you can, could you send her this link? She really should be careful, especially between June and July and December and January. Full Story
Chinese New Year is January 31st! You ready?
Fridge should we well stocked. Feasting is good. Gathering with friends and family all week is good too. Clean on Thursday – don’t forget the car – and wash your hair on Thursday night, wear a new set of pyjamas to bed (if you can), make sure the sheets are fresh, and then try not to do much cleaning at least over the weekend. I’ll remind you again on Thursday. Read Full Intro
It’s Grammy weekend. It’s also the last weekend before Chinese New Year. Let’s start there. We clean before Chinese New Year. We get rid of the sh-t from the previous year to clear a path for the good luck of next year. According to my ma, the Squawking Chicken, and you should always Listen To The Squawking Chicken (which happens to be the name of my upcoming book, due out April 1 in Canada and April 22 in the US, click here Read Full Intro