Chinese Squawking Chicken Articles

My Ma or things she would say or do.

Worst Emmy Couple: Patrick Dempsey & Mrs BitchFace

September 22, 2008 07:11:41 Posted at September 22, 2008 07:11:41
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Another carpet, another case of the BitchFace. She tried to smile and it almost incapacitated her. My mother calls it Fu Gwa Gon: Dry Bitter Melon Peels. Her godson married a Fu Gwa Gon. Even when she’s happy she looks like she’s at a funeral. One day a few years ago, mother was playing mahjong and Fu Gwa Gon was sitting in her eyeline. Full Story

Worst Emmy Wrinkle: Nicolette Sheridan

September 22, 2008 06:40:00 Posted at September 22, 2008 06:40:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

It’s a bold idea. But is bold good? I have a thing about wrinkles. It’s from my mother. She irons everything. And she would say, if she could see this dress… Chow chow. Chow is wrinkly in Cantonese. We like to repeat adjectives twice for added effect. Chow chow may be bold…but chow chow not good. Full Story

Kay vs The Squawking Chicken

August 27, 2008 10:55:03 Posted at August 27, 2008 10:55:03
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Kay McConaughey, Matthew’s mother, might actually rival mine in no shameness. I love her. Kay, I mean. She makes my life. I need to be her friend. Kay is writing a book. The title? I AMAZE MYSELF! It’s true. She amazes me too. In her book, she describes the death of her husband – he literally died on top of her and she only realised it because he wasn’t grunting: “On Monday mornings, he and I often said goodbye by making love. Full Story

Mimi Married

May 2, 2008 08:04:50 Posted at May 2, 2008 08:04:50
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Doesn’t look like Ashton had anything to do with it! Nope… Mimi’s just crazy! And crazy in love. One of Nick Cannon’s relatives reportedly confirmed the news to E! and the New York Post is suggesting that it happened so quickly, she actually went ahead with it BEFORE signing a prenup! See what happens when you lose too much weight too quickly? You fry your brain! As for the ring drama and whether or not he recycled the same ring he used for Selita Ebanks – it was confirmed that Nick purchased Mimi’s ring from Jacob & Co: pink diamonds, 17 carats worth $2. Full Story

Teeth Are Bad

March 26, 2008 07:40:00 Posted at March 26, 2008 07:40:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

My mother is old school – she says girls should show teeth when they smile. Especially if they’re lucky enough to have relatively good teeth. Teeth are a touchy subject with Asians. Because we are genetically predisposed to having f&cked up teeth. We are taught how to cut in line Full Story

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How Brits Cut

March 10, 2008 10:24:00 Posted at March 10, 2008 10:24:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

No one can cut you like a Brit… or my mother. It was her birthday yesterday, she called me at 2 in the afternoon: “It’s my birthday today. Were you at the gym?” So few words, so much sting. Guilting me, of course, for not calling her at the crack of dawn. And, given that I never go to the gym, suggesting that I would be there because, obviously, I need to work off some weight. Full Story