Please be Portman and not Lohan

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 23, 2010 07:34:00 March 23, 2010 07:34:00

As I’ve already noted several times, for the last few months, they have successfully whipped me into a frenzy for Kick-Ass. It’s been a brilliant online campaign. And finally I’m seeing it at a screening later on this morning. Can’t wait. Unfortunately reviews have been embargoed until release. But you shouldn’t need reviews. Kick-Ass, as bromidic as this sounds, will be kick ass. And not only because McLovin’ is in it. Yes, Christopher Mintz-Plasse is all kinds of amazing but it’s Aaron Johnson who actually plays Kick-Ass who will be bringing the moists. I promise. He’s adorably hot.

But enough about the boys.

Her name is Chloe Grace Moretz. You remember her as the scene stealing sister in 500 Days of Summer. Chloe plays Hit Girl. Her dad is Nicolas Cage. She cusses like a motherf-cker. She does not want puppies or pigtails. Instead she’d rather save the world herself and beat the sh-t out of anyone bitch who gets in her way.

The MiniVan, obviously, will object to the message. But I object to their message: that girls should attend dance class and not cut their hair. Today’s heroines are much more complicated, and much more diverse. This would explain the popularity of Lisbeth Salander and The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. Right? Well... at least for some of us.

Here’s Chloe’s Hit Girl red-band trailer. It’s NSFW. Caution. But SO worth it.

Chloe could be Natalie Portman. You remember Natalie Portman? In The Professional? And in Beautiful Girls? EVERY guy I know crushed on Natalie Portman in Beautiful Girls. And these are dudes who, at the time, were well over 20. It was wrong, just like it was wrong for Timothy Hutton, but he couldn’t help himself. And they couldn’t help themselves. That was the point. Her character, how SHE played the character, Marty was irresistible. Marty was young and smart and funny and promising and she was perfect. And that was in 1996. And THAT is why boys still love Natalie Portman. Because she’ll always be Marty in Beautiful Girls. God I f-cking love that movie.

I suspect Chloe Grace Moretz will elicit the same reaction when Kick-Ass goes wide. There’s that same intangible in between girl/woman quality. And the intelligence and wit, you can see it already, and of course Moretz, like Portman, is GORGEOUS. Really, really beautiful. Already. And there’s still more of it to unfold.


I see Chloe posing in these shots from the UK premiere. And in addition to the Natalie, I also see some Lilo. Do you see some Lilo? It’s in the pose. The shoulder pose. And the expression. And the crossing of the legs. That’s not to say the Hunger will overtake her. It’s how the Hunger is managed, I suppose. Natalie Portman went to school and developed interests in other things. Chloe is 13. There’s time... but not a lot of time. For now though, you’ll be fangirling on her in Kick-Ass.

Should we? Just a clip from Beautiful Girls? Why not.

Photos from and

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