Everyone’s a hijacker today

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 10, 2013 18:55:44 January 10, 2013 18:55:44

God I wish I could see Beyonce’s ego take a dump on Justin Timberlake’s face. If Pips had pulled that slink-away pussy sh-t on Beysus the way he did with Janet Jackson at the Super Bowl, he would not have got off so easy.

B also made an announcement today, hijacking the Oscar nominations. At least her hijack wasn’t a two part series with 3 days in between. It’s still a big ass deal in music though...

Destiny’s Child is reuniting. There’s a new track called Nuclear and it will be released on their upcoming compilation album called Love Songs. Say My Name will be included. Whatever happened to the 4th one in the video? No! I resist that rabbit hole!

In other B news -- I assume you’ve seen the GQ? If you paused over the cover shot, check out the one where she’s holding the helmet and look at THAT ASS, good Lord! Once you’re done admiring her body and the retouching, move on to the article because that, too, is worth your time, especially as a student of Celebrity Studies. We could spend an entire semester discussing Beyonce’s masterful management of her career. And this article alone could consume us for an entire week.

"I worked so hard during my childhood to meet this goal: By the time I was 30 years old, I could do what I want," she says. "I've reached that. I feel very fortunate to be in that position. But I've sacrificed a lot of things, and I've worked harder than probably anyone I know, at least in the music industry. So I just have to remind myself that I deserve it."

As IF Beyonce sits around feeling guilty for her luxurious indulgences. AS IF!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mercifully she spends more time ...historifying ... herself than being disingenuous. That is a word I just made up, yes. Because I couldn’t think of another that captures what Beyonce is doing. Did you ever see the Ethel Kennedy documentary by Rory Kennedy? When you get a chance, if you’re into Kennedy Porn, you should definitely check it out. Anyway, when I was watching Ethel, and all the fascinating archival footage from the personal Kennedy collections, it occurred to me that they always knew, you know? They documented themselves well before Jack became President, well before Bobby was successful, they documented themselves because that was, ahem, their destiny. To become the unofficial first family of the United States. And so, for the benefit of the people, as a gift to the country, they video-documented almost every moment...

Just like Beyonce is video-documenting her own every moment and building her own Library. Library with a capital “L”. There’s actually a room. It contains every photograph ever taken, every interview, every piece of clothing, every whisper, public and private -- some dude follows her around, shooting her 16 to 18 hours a day, so that there’s not a minute, EVER, that goes by that doesn’t last forever in digital format, to be played back in a hundred years, or maybe even a thousand, when there will be statues of Beyonce erected at every interspace landing station...

Imagine what that might be like, and with no snarky intention, to walk around all day not just hoping for, or dreaming of, or anticipating, but, like accepting your own historical significance, well before history even...happens. This is Beyonce, in her mind, a true Child of Destiny. Now go back and review it all, every Beyonce career move, with that as the frame. Fascinating case study, right?

But you know what I love?

I love that this is an article about “The 100 Sexiest Women Of The 21st Century starting with Beyonce” and almost the entire piece is not about how nice her tits look, and how fine her ass shakes, but about her role as a business woman managing her brand, a stomping global marketing superstar, monetising the sh-t out of her life in a magazine called Gentleman’s Quarterly...

Click here to read the article and to see more photos.

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