Douchebags Articles

Annoying and entitled Hollywood celebrity douchebags.

Bye Good: the mockumentary

May 6, 2010 09:27:04 Posted at May 6, 2010 09:27:04
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Obviously. It was a joke. Some kind of lame construct to expose something about Hollywood, something about the way everyone reacted to his behaviour, his attempt to become a rapper. Like there was any question that it was a poorly conceived “artiste” endeavour concocted by guitar and candlelight one night when Joaquin Phoenix and Casey Affleck were lamenting their superiority over their celebrity peers. Full Story

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Gwyneth in common

May 5, 2010 12:08:43 Posted at May 5, 2010 12:08:43
Lainey Posted by Lainey

I don’t know where she was on Monday during the Met Gala. My G and Cameron D, they were both in town, and listed on the committee list and the tip sheets but no photos, and no mentions so far. G was probably pureeing with Jessica Seinfeld. She’d tell you that’s more her scene now. As for Cameron, well, there’s that ARod business. Full Story

Please remove your DoucheFace

April 27, 2010 08:12:41 Posted at April 27, 2010 08:12:41
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Laura always says I’m fickle. This is true. I will turn on a bitch without hesitation. This is why my crushes don’t last very long. Because perfection is impossible. And when that becomes too obvious in the subject, the subject is discarded. But I tried with Adrien Brody. Uncharacteristically I tried. Full Story

I used to think it was her...

April 13, 2010 14:46:13 Posted at April 13, 2010 14:46:13
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Elsa Pataky I mean. With the fake castle and the closed-eye posing in Hello Magazine, I thought it was her cheese and not his. For a long time those voices in my head whispered – what if it’s actually HIM? My mother always says: You face to the truth! I face to the truth and the truth is: Adrien might be Dunhill on the outside, but he’s totally Ed Hardy on the inside. Full Story

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CarbFace is a whiny bitch

April 12, 2010 15:47:05 Posted at April 12, 2010 15:47:05
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Ryan Phillippe went on Howard Stern and went waaaahhhh today when asked about his failed relationships. Apparently he’s tired of getting blamed for his split from America’s sweetheart Reese Witherspoon: "I've been dumped on in the press for relationship stuff since Reese and I divorced. Full Story

Sit DOWN Nicholas Sparks

April 1, 2010 12:48:23 Posted at April 1, 2010 12:48:23
Lainey Posted by Lainey

He’s being profiled right now because he wrote The Last Song for Miley Cyrus. And he granted an interview to USA Today during which he pretty much sucked his own dick. For real. Nicholas Sparks, the author of such cerebral fare as The Notebook and A Walk to Remember and Nights in Rodanthe, is comparing himself to the greats, those who’ve works have stood the test of time, who are still being read after centuries, who are still shaping our morality and our perspective. Full Story

BBT’s new hair

March 19, 2010 09:01:13 Posted at March 19, 2010 09:01:13
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Look who can’t handle aging. Billy Bob Thornton coloured his hair. And it’s all flopsy around his forehead too. Like that’ll hide his douche. Please. Nothing can hide his douche. Remember when BBT got all pissy faced on CBC Radio Q with Jian Ghomeshi Full Story

Little Bitch has to beg

March 11, 2010 09:48:23 Posted at March 11, 2010 09:48:23
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Keep begging you piece of sh-t. Chris Brown beat down his girlfriend last year. Then he went jetskiing. And he went to basketball games. And he only reported for community service because he was ordered to. And he spends more time partying with Diddy and shooting music videos than reaching out to those who’ve suffered unspeakable abuse. Full Story

Sean Penn: jealous little bitch

March 10, 2010 08:29:00 Posted at March 10, 2010 08:29:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

No idea at the time what the f-ck was coming out of Sean Penn’s mouth when he presented Best Actress at the Oscars on Sunday. The online community however has analysed the footage and determined he must have been referring to Robin Wright – his omission of her during his acceptance speech last year, and the Academy overlooking her performance in Pippa Lee. Full Story

Front Row TryHards

February 15, 2010 07:55:00 Posted at February 15, 2010 07:55:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

It’s Fashion Week. And at the Calvin Klein show yesterday, four douches tryharded in the front row, creating a collective air of desperation that blanketed the clothes. Let’s start from right to left. It’s Jared Leto, big ass poseur hair, pretending people still want to make movies with him. Full Story

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Douchey is sorry. Always sorry

February 11, 2010 06:54:00 Posted at February 11, 2010 06:54:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

John Mayer tweeted at New Year’s that he’d be taking some time to reflect, to cut off his Twitter musings, to try and tame his famewhore. That worked for about a week. Then he spoke to Rolling Stone and extolled the virtues of masturbation, revealing that he jerks off to his ex girlfriends all the time. Full Story