Douchebags Articles

Annoying and entitled Hollywood celebrity douchebags.

Sit DOWN Nicholas Sparks

Lainey Posted by Lainey at April 1, 2010 12:48:23 April 1, 2010 12:48:23

He’s being profiled right now because he wrote The Last Song for Miley Cyrus. And he granted an interview to USA Today during which he pretty much sucked his own dick. For real. Nicholas Sparks, the author of such cerebral fare as The Notebook and A Walk to Remember and Nights in Rodanthe, is comparing himself to the greats, those who’ve works have stood the test of time, who are still being read after centuries, who are still shaping our morality and our perspective. Full Story

BBT’s new hair

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 19, 2010 09:01:13 March 19, 2010 09:01:13

Look who can’t handle aging. Billy Bob Thornton coloured his hair. And it’s all flopsy around his forehead too. Like that’ll hide his douche. Please. Nothing can hide his douche. Remember when BBT got all pissy faced on CBC Radio Q with Jian Ghomeshi Full Story

Little Bitch has to beg

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 11, 2010 09:48:23 March 11, 2010 09:48:23

Keep begging you piece of sh-t. Chris Brown beat down his girlfriend last year. Then he went jetskiing. And he went to basketball games. And he only reported for community service because he was ordered to. And he spends more time partying with Diddy and shooting music videos than reaching out to those who’ve suffered unspeakable abuse. Full Story

Sean Penn: jealous little bitch

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 10, 2010 08:29:00 March 10, 2010 08:29:00

No idea at the time what the f-ck was coming out of Sean Penn’s mouth when he presented Best Actress at the Oscars on Sunday. The online community however has analysed the footage and determined he must have been referring to Robin Wright – his omission of her during his acceptance speech last year, and the Academy overlooking her performance in Pippa Lee. Full Story

Front Row TryHards

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 15, 2010 07:55:00 February 15, 2010 07:55:00

It’s Fashion Week. And at the Calvin Klein show yesterday, four douches tryharded in the front row, creating a collective air of desperation that blanketed the clothes. Let’s start from right to left. It’s Jared Leto, big ass poseur hair, pretending people still want to make movies with him. Full Story

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Douchey is sorry. Always sorry

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 11, 2010 06:54:00 February 11, 2010 06:54:00

John Mayer tweeted at New Year’s that he’d be taking some time to reflect, to cut off his Twitter musings, to try and tame his famewhore. That worked for about a week. Then he spoke to Rolling Stone and extolled the virtues of masturbation, revealing that he jerks off to his ex girlfriends all the time. Full Story

Porny Crack

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 10, 2010 12:17:00 February 10, 2010 12:17:00

Best. Interview. EVER. Sure, he’s a vile pig. We’re at rehearsal right now for Olympic Morning, and I am laughing my ass off. Not because that mother-cker isn’t a sick bitch, but because it’s just another case of douche spew coming out of his mouth. Who else can entertain this way? Every time he speaks it’s gold. Full Story

Douchey misses Swifty?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 9, 2010 13:49:56 February 9, 2010 13:49:56

Taylor Swift is touring Australia. John Mayer, in yet another cryptic tweet, posted on his Twitter a while ago that he’s missing someone. What's that song that goes "It's a quarter after one, I just huffed a can of ceiling paint and I need you now?" I like that one. Full Story

What is your hair?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 29, 2010 08:01:36 January 29, 2010 08:01:36

Jared Leto showed up at a Calvin Klein event last night trying to resurrect his acting career with his hair… I guess. For someone like Robert Pattinson and the hair hysteria that exploded ovaries in tandem with his meteoric rise, it worked in that case because it seemed genuine. He just has messy hair. Full Story

John Mayer & Keith Urban Crossroads

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 27, 2010 12:59:23 January 27, 2010 12:59:23

It was taped last night. Third Lip was not seen. There was room for only one ego in the joint, it belonged to John Mayer. One source described it as follows: “he’s a rambling douche”. And his self-indulgent f-ckery wasn’t well received. Here’s an incident that sums it up: The musicians had plenty of opportunity to prep. Full Story

Oh Swifty...please be careful

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 27, 2010 11:32:00 January 27, 2010 11:32:00

Last night John Mayer was in Nashville for the Crossroads taping with Keith Urban. More on how that went down later. Taylor Swift attended amid speculation that she and Mayer are now dating. My sources tell me she was backstage before the show, totally crushing on him, very "smitten", flirting, like a young girl intoxicated by attraction to an older man, too young to separate artistry from douchery. Full Story