Douchebags Articles

Annoying and entitled Hollywood celebrity douchebags.

Written for Jessica, meant for Lindsay

Lainey Posted by Lainey at July 27, 2009 13:22:33 July 27, 2009 13:22:33

Jessica Simpson continues to hook up and break up with men who humiliate her. As if it wasn’t enough that he dumped her the night before her birthday, Us Weekly reports that Tony Romo apparently also announced the break up to everyone living in his gated community, informing security that she was no longer to be allowed access to his home in Dallas which is why a sign at the entrance has been posted that reads: "RED ALERT!!! TONY ROMO HAS MADE SOME CHANGES TO HIS LIST OF PEOPLE ALLOWED IN. Full Story

It’s helping...

Lainey Posted by Lainey at July 24, 2009 12:23:00 July 24, 2009 12:23:00

We are helping? As imaginary friends of Jessica Simpson, I think our work is working. No more articles on People.com from “friends” describing that she’s sad and mopey and a total loser sitting on her mom’s couch drunk texting Tony Romo. Instead, two sightings in a row that reflect a more pulled-together, more positive, more defiant Jessica. Full Story

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Cruz and Becks matching haircuts

Lainey Posted by Lainey at July 24, 2009 09:28:34 July 24, 2009 09:28:34

Heh. Cruz has a hawk. And Becks is showing off a new cut too. I love. I die. While Posh was sitting stiffly on a swing yesterday, David Beckham took his boys shopping – I guess this is how they parent? Because Victoria takes them shopping with her all the time too. Like there’s no other way to entertain children. Full Story

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Gift from a Douche

Lainey Posted by Lainey at July 20, 2009 06:55:30 July 20, 2009 06:55:30

How long before they get back together? John Mayer lives for attention. And he knows it would be a great story. Pisser is probably working it with Porny right now over text and Skype, perhaps he sent her a CD of tracks, new limp dick music to heal her broken heart. It’s apparently a move he uses often. Full Story

Smart Shelfy, Grumpy Pip

Lainey Posted by Lainey at July 15, 2009 12:13:18 July 15, 2009 12:13:18

He’s walking her dog. She made sure we’d see he’s walking her dog – this is Justin Timberlake out and about with Jessica Biel’s remaining pet. Yesterday he was feeling crabby and took it out on a pap. Today it’s a much healthier outlet for his aggression. I noted that Pip’s pissy mood was a result of losing out on the Green Lantern – like a petulant child, accustomed to getting what he wants, and then being told no to a cookie, Pips is stomping around in a tantrum. Full Story

He peed on Porny’s love

Lainey Posted by Lainey at July 14, 2009 16:22:32 July 14, 2009 16:22:32

Why did Romo walk out on Porny? According to Radar John Mayer’s been f-cking around again. Word is everything between Jessica Simpson and QB1 was great…until last Thursday when he found out that Douchebag was still texting her. Full Story

Pippy’s in a pissy mood

Lainey Posted by Lainey at July 14, 2009 15:06:01 July 14, 2009 15:06:01

He must have wanted the Green Lantern badly. This is Pipsqueak Justin Timberlake in West Hollywood getting his balls all sweaty over a pap who wants to take his photo. As you can see, they exchanged words, and then Pipple smirked and let it go, because he probably remembered that at the end of the day, he’s better than everyone else. Full Story

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Convicted felon has a great time

Lainey Posted by Lainey at July 6, 2009 07:51:48 July 6, 2009 07:51:48

So he beat down his girlfriend oh just 4 months ago. And there’s no prison time, just a few hours of garbage duty here and there, totally manageable. Otherwise, life for Chris Brown is easy come easy go. No need for charity work, no need to spend time in the community giving back to those less fortunate, no volunteering at women’s shelters, no donations, nothing. Full Story

White Party sh-t list

Lainey Posted by Lainey at July 6, 2009 07:31:03 July 6, 2009 07:31:03

Once upon a time, when Diddy was still important, his white parties were legendary. An invitation was hard to come by. These days? At a Diddy White Party? Not so exclusive. This weekend, with one or two exceptions, his guest list consisted of mostly has-beens and reality stars. Like Tara Reid. And Tila Tequila. Full Story

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Isn’t this beneath you?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 23, 2009 10:34:00 June 23, 2009 10:34:00

At the premiere of Transformers last night, it’s Emile Hirsch with his girlfriend. He doesn’t seem to leave home without her now. And her shady friends who sell out Robert Pattinson. So … Emile is, like, the best young thespian ever in his mind, remember? He only does arty movies, with with arty artists, and the script is the only thing that matters, remember? What does the Real Emile, the Emile whose insightful film reviews, the Emile who is so arrogant he thinks he’s the first to have thought of the Modern Hamlet, what does the Real Emile think of Transformers? It’s beneath him, non? Oh but Emile must hustle. Full Story

What did she expand?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 15, 2009 06:47:13 June 15, 2009 06:47:13

Jennifer Aniston on Friday night received the Women in Film Crystal Award for “expanding the role of women in the entertainment industry”. Not trying to be snarky, seriously I’m not. But what exactly did she expand? She plays Rachel Green over and over again. Good Girl: Rachel in a small townBruce Almighty: Rachel dates GodAlong Came Polly: Rachel and a ferret dance with Ben StillerRock Star: Rachel is a groupie It’s the same mannerisms, it’s the same delivery, it’s the same cadence, it’s the way Rachel can never not touch her hair. Full Story

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