Douchebags Articles

Annoying and entitled Hollywood celebrity douchebags.

Would you want him next to you?

February 11, 2009 07:44:29 Posted at February 11, 2009 07:44:29
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Joaquin Phoenix and Casey Affleck departed LAX for New York yesterday. Imagine if he sat down next to you on a plane? This is my greatest fear on a flight. The people around me, the person next to me. As you know, I always end up with the kid close by. And that kid is always screaming. If that kid is behind me, it usually kicks too. Full Story

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Celebrity Dumbass

February 10, 2009 12:26:44 Posted at February 10, 2009 12:26:44
Lainey Posted by Lainey

This could be a daily feature. Today’s installment includes Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore, and Scarlett Johansson. Let’s start with the sanctimonious husband and wife. Ashton has taken to Twitter and posted a video on his page that is supposed to illustrate how difficult it is to “navigate” through the sea of paps waiting to harass them at the airport yesterday en route to Germany. Full Story

Grammy Little Boy: Justin Timberlake

February 9, 2009 11:53:28 Posted at February 9, 2009 11:53:28
Lainey Posted by Lainey

“When I was a little boy…” How many times have you heard Pippy talk about his little boy days? He ALWAYS refers to his little boy days. 5 years ago it was cute. Now it’s limp cheese and please grow some balls. Suggestions: When I was growing up…When I was younger… It works, and better still, it means you’re not asskissing women YOUR MOTHER’s AGE! So Justin Timberlake performed twice last night. Full Story

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February 9, 2009 06:14:06 Posted at February 9, 2009 06:14:06
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Shia LaBeouf skipped the red carpet entirely at the BAFTAs. It’d be easy to rip his balls off for it like he’s Gwyneth Paltrow or Katie Holmes - all of a sudden too good for press at an awards show. But I find it harder to hate on Shia than his other douchey peers. When Shia says he’s not an attention whore, I kinda believe him. Full Story

Ricky hates Ebola and Posh!

February 2, 2009 12:04:37 Posted at February 2, 2009 12:04:37
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Ricky Gervais should host the Oscars. Hugh will be wonderful. But next year, why not Ricky? Ricky’s irreverence would rip all of them, all the famewhores, each and every one, a new asshole…starting with Ebola and Posh. In an open letter to President Obama, Ricky writes: “As I'm sure you are aware, one of your flock has strayed. Full Story

23 year old smokes weed

February 2, 2009 06:15:35 Posted at February 2, 2009 06:15:35
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Nothing newsworthy about that. Except the 23 year old in question is a golden boy who sells cereal. And cars. And baby bottles. And is the poster boy for perfection attached to millions of dollars in endorsements catered to the MiniVan Majority. They don’t mind so much that he goes to Vegas and shoves his head in between the breasts of some nasty skank. Full Story

Hoax camouflage

January 29, 2009 08:33:30 Posted at January 29, 2009 08:33:30
Lainey Posted by Lainey

So yesterday, Entertainment Weekly, after hearing from Joaquin Phoenix sources, reported that his recent rap journey is actually an elaborate hoax to be filmed by Casey Affleck for a mockumentary about celebrity meltdowns. Full Story


January 29, 2009 07:35:58 Posted at January 29, 2009 07:35:58
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Yesterday it was Scarlett Johansson vanity singing. Today, it’s that Pipsqueak Justin Timberlake vanity acting. He sat down for an interview with Katie Couric to promote the Grammys – because only HE can increase Grammy ratings! – and they discussed everything from Timbaland, to Madonna, to SNL, to Beyonce, and yes… His acting. Full Story

Not sad smut, just big douche

January 28, 2009 10:13:01 Posted at January 28, 2009 10:13:01
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Many of you kind hearted souls were worried about Joaquin Phoenix - his unkempt appearance, his BYE GOOD retirement, his bizarre antics - and you appealed to have him classified as sad smut. JP is not sad smut. But he is a f-cking loser. So the rap endeavour, his explanation to People Magazine that it's his life's dream in hip hop - not so. Full Story

Douche tv monologue

January 27, 2009 09:28:29 Posted at January 27, 2009 09:28:29
Lainey Posted by Lainey

You know John Mayer was That Kid, right? He was probably picked on in school, zitty, greasy, not down with the popular crowd…and has been carrying that around his whole life. So now even though he’s a famous rock star, he’s still living looking backwards – every move is a giant “f-ck you” to those who shut him down in grade 10. Full Story

SAG Crotch Itch: Mickey Rourke

January 26, 2009 05:38:35 Posted at January 26, 2009 05:38:35
Lainey Posted by Lainey

It’s no secret…he’ll readily admit it… the man is depraved. Quite obviously, awards season turns him on. Or his psoriasis is flaring up. Whatever the reason, Mickey Rourke can’t keep his hands off his junk. Like constantly. Perhaps it’s his way of dealing with nerves. Full Story