Douchebags Articles

Annoying and entitled Hollywood celebrity douchebags.

Pippy expands

February 12, 2009 12:14:00 Posted at February 12, 2009 12:14:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

This is the Pip yesterday playing in a celebrity golf tournament at Pebble Beach. Ugh. Jealous. Golf season has already started for my husband but I refuse to play when the fairway is still sopping. Of course the fairway at Pebble Beach is not sopping. It’s perfect. And Justin Timberlake can afford the green fees. Full Story

Celebrity Dumbass: Joaquin Phoenix

February 12, 2009 06:58:58 Posted at February 12, 2009 06:58:58
Lainey Posted by Lainey

See? Three for three. Maybe it should be a daily feature. It’s must see TV. The video is below – Joaquin Phoenix behaving like a petulant child forced to go Aunt Mabel’s house last night with Letterman. No doubt he’s a douche. But the question this morning, on top of his recent shenanigans – the rapping, the retirement – was this just another chapter in his unfunny, ongoing F-ck You vanity project? Casey Affleck travelled with Joaquin to New York, attended the Letterman taping with him, and was seen with his camera, presumably documenting the entire awkward, embarrassing experience. Full Story

GOOPy thinks they’re cheesy

February 11, 2009 13:17:43 Posted at February 11, 2009 13:17:43
Lainey Posted by Lainey

You might hate her, but can you disagree? Gwyneth Paltrow said recently that running carpet after carpet with your husband is “cheesy” and “I mean, who wants to live like that?” Cut to Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher tonight at the Berlin Film Festival for the premiere of her film Happy Tears. Full Story

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Would you want him next to you?

February 11, 2009 07:44:29 Posted at February 11, 2009 07:44:29
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Joaquin Phoenix and Casey Affleck departed LAX for New York yesterday. Imagine if he sat down next to you on a plane? This is my greatest fear on a flight. The people around me, the person next to me. As you know, I always end up with the kid close by. And that kid is always screaming. If that kid is behind me, it usually kicks too. Full Story

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Celebrity Dumbass

February 10, 2009 12:26:44 Posted at February 10, 2009 12:26:44
Lainey Posted by Lainey

This could be a daily feature. Today’s installment includes Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore, and Scarlett Johansson. Let’s start with the sanctimonious husband and wife. Ashton has taken to Twitter and posted a video on his page that is supposed to illustrate how difficult it is to “navigate” through the sea of paps waiting to harass them at the airport yesterday en route to Germany. Full Story

Grammy Little Boy: Justin Timberlake

February 9, 2009 11:53:28 Posted at February 9, 2009 11:53:28
Lainey Posted by Lainey

“When I was a little boy…” How many times have you heard Pippy talk about his little boy days? He ALWAYS refers to his little boy days. 5 years ago it was cute. Now it’s limp cheese and please grow some balls. Suggestions: When I was growing up…When I was younger… It works, and better still, it means you’re not asskissing women YOUR MOTHER’s AGE! So Justin Timberlake performed twice last night. Full Story

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BAFTA Shia

February 9, 2009 06:14:06 Posted at February 9, 2009 06:14:06
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Shia LaBeouf skipped the red carpet entirely at the BAFTAs. It’d be easy to rip his balls off for it like he’s Gwyneth Paltrow or Katie Holmes - all of a sudden too good for press at an awards show. But I find it harder to hate on Shia than his other douchey peers. When Shia says he’s not an attention whore, I kinda believe him. Full Story

Ricky hates Ebola and Posh!

February 2, 2009 12:04:37 Posted at February 2, 2009 12:04:37
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Ricky Gervais should host the Oscars. Hugh will be wonderful. But next year, why not Ricky? Ricky’s irreverence would rip all of them, all the famewhores, each and every one, a new asshole…starting with Ebola and Posh. In an open letter to President Obama, Ricky writes: “As I'm sure you are aware, one of your flock has strayed. Full Story

23 year old smokes weed

February 2, 2009 06:15:35 Posted at February 2, 2009 06:15:35
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Nothing newsworthy about that. Except the 23 year old in question is a golden boy who sells cereal. And cars. And baby bottles. And is the poster boy for perfection attached to millions of dollars in endorsements catered to the MiniVan Majority. They don’t mind so much that he goes to Vegas and shoves his head in between the breasts of some nasty skank. Full Story

Hoax camouflage

January 29, 2009 08:33:30 Posted at January 29, 2009 08:33:30
Lainey Posted by Lainey

So yesterday, Entertainment Weekly, after hearing from Joaquin Phoenix sources, reported that his recent rap journey is actually an elaborate hoax to be filmed by Casey Affleck for a mockumentary about celebrity meltdowns. Full Story

Please.Make.Him.Stop

January 29, 2009 07:35:58 Posted at January 29, 2009 07:35:58
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Yesterday it was Scarlett Johansson vanity singing. Today, it’s that Pipsqueak Justin Timberlake vanity acting. He sat down for an interview with Katie Couric to promote the Grammys – because only HE can increase Grammy ratings! – and they discussed everything from Timbaland, to Madonna, to SNL, to Beyonce, and yes… His acting. Full Story