Douchebags Articles

Annoying and entitled Hollywood celebrity douchebags.

Not sad smut, just big douche

January 28, 2009 10:13:01 Posted at January 28, 2009 10:13:01
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Many of you kind hearted souls were worried about Joaquin Phoenix - his unkempt appearance, his BYE GOOD retirement, his bizarre antics - and you appealed to have him classified as sad smut. JP is not sad smut. But he is a f-cking loser. So the rap endeavour, his explanation to People Magazine that it's his life's dream in hip hop - not so. Full Story

Douche tv monologue

January 27, 2009 09:28:29 Posted at January 27, 2009 09:28:29
Lainey Posted by Lainey

You know John Mayer was That Kid, right? He was probably picked on in school, zitty, greasy, not down with the popular crowd…and has been carrying that around his whole life. So now even though he’s a famous rock star, he’s still living looking backwards – every move is a giant “f-ck you” to those who shut him down in grade 10. Full Story

SAG Crotch Itch: Mickey Rourke

January 26, 2009 05:38:35 Posted at January 26, 2009 05:38:35
Lainey Posted by Lainey

It’s no secret…he’ll readily admit it… the man is depraved. Quite obviously, awards season turns him on. Or his psoriasis is flaring up. Whatever the reason, Mickey Rourke can’t keep his hands off his junk. Like constantly. Perhaps it’s his way of dealing with nerves. Full Story

Alba B*tch is a bully

January 21, 2009 07:04:41 Posted at January 21, 2009 07:04:41
Lainey Posted by Lainey

As you know, Jessica Alba is all, like, socially involved now, claiming to have actively campaigned among Latino voters for the Obama campaign, even though not even two years ago, she did not want to be called Latina. These days though, Alba has a new image to sell. She’s a mother, she an “actor”, she doesn’t want to be known as a “body”, not unless you pay her to star in your ad campaign for Campari. Full Story

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Pippy swaggers!

January 20, 2009 09:58:28 Posted at January 20, 2009 09:58:28
Lainey Posted by Lainey

So you know the Mighty Opes has been taping her show this weekend from Washington in honour of President Barack Obama’s Inauguration. Some high profile celebrities have come to visit and more are expected. Those who weren’t able to drop in sent video messages. Like Pipsqueak Justin Timberlake. Full Story

Hugh don’t know Junior

January 19, 2009 10:03:26 Posted at January 19, 2009 10:03:26
Lainey Posted by Lainey

My favourite, favourite story of the day. So Hugh Jackman and the rest of the Wolverine hotnesses are in Vancouver shooting final scenes. Hugh happens to be working out at the same fitness centre as Kevin Federline Junior who is tagging along with his wife and paycheque Tori Spelling while she films Smallville. Full Story

The Year of Living Rap

January 19, 2009 06:02:10 Posted at January 19, 2009 06:02:10
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Ugh. What happened to Joaquin Phoenix? As you know, he said BYE GOOD to acting and instead has chosen to document his attempt to become a rap artist – yes, a rap artist – with bestie Casey Affleck. Apparently hip-hop is his life’s love, and he is now dedicated to pursuing the perfect rhyme. Full Story

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Piven on the defence

January 19, 2009 05:54:23 Posted at January 19, 2009 05:54:23
Lainey Posted by Lainey

As you know, Jeremy Piven dropped out of the Broadway production of Speed-the-Plow just before Christmas citing mercury poisoning for not being able to fulfill his contractual obligation. Now the producers of the production have filed a grievance against him  Full Story

Sasha Fierce hates dogs?

January 15, 2009 09:55:26 Posted at January 15, 2009 09:55:26
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Thank you for your emails about Marcus. He gave us a scare and what topped it off for us was that he was not interested in food. It was a sign of the apocalypse. This is what happens when you eat sh-t. Relief though - he’s turned a corner after getting a shot in the ass. And we knew it was all good when he barked in the FedEx man’s face yesterday because the lovely fellow understandably did not want to touch his stanky toy goose for an impromptu game of chase. Full Story

Is this a man?

January 14, 2009 07:30:39 Posted at January 14, 2009 07:30:39
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Debatable. His name is Brian Austin Green. You know him better as David Silver. He spent most of the 90s making out with Tori Spelling…remember him? Oh yeah…him. Brian Austin Green is engaged to Megan Fox, a man in his 30s desperately hanging on to his young break out girl who is trying to cope with outgrowing him. Full Story

Globes Best White: Kate Beckinsale

January 12, 2009 08:01:00 Posted at January 12, 2009 08:01:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Two for two… well done. Let’s give it to her because she wanted it so badly. The pinched expression on her face gives it away. Shades of her best friend Posh. Please, please, please tell me I’m stylish! I slaved all day to be stylish! And the poor thing…she had to present with that megalomaniacal buffoon P Diddy dick ass who practically pushed her off the stage when he was speaking. Full Story