Douchebags Articles

Annoying and entitled Hollywood celebrity douchebags.

GOOPy thinks they’re cheesy

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 11, 2009 13:17:43 February 11, 2009 13:17:43

You might hate her, but can you disagree? Gwyneth Paltrow said recently that running carpet after carpet with your husband is “cheesy” and “I mean, who wants to live like that?” Cut to Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher tonight at the Berlin Film Festival for the premiere of her film Happy Tears. Full Story

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Would you want him next to you?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 11, 2009 07:44:29 February 11, 2009 07:44:29

Joaquin Phoenix and Casey Affleck departed LAX for New York yesterday. Imagine if he sat down next to you on a plane? This is my greatest fear on a flight. The people around me, the person next to me. As you know, I always end up with the kid close by. And that kid is always screaming. If that kid is behind me, it usually kicks too. Full Story

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Celebrity Dumbass

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 10, 2009 12:26:44 February 10, 2009 12:26:44

This could be a daily feature. Today’s installment includes Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore, and Scarlett Johansson. Let’s start with the sanctimonious husband and wife. Ashton has taken to Twitter and posted a video on his page that is supposed to illustrate how difficult it is to “navigate” through the sea of paps waiting to harass them at the airport yesterday en route to Germany. Full Story

Grammy Little Boy: Justin Timberlake

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 9, 2009 11:53:28 February 9, 2009 11:53:28

“When I was a little boy…” How many times have you heard Pippy talk about his little boy days? He ALWAYS refers to his little boy days. 5 years ago it was cute. Now it’s limp cheese and please grow some balls. Suggestions: When I was growing up…When I was younger… It works, and better still, it means you’re not asskissing women YOUR MOTHER’s AGE! So Justin Timberlake performed twice last night. Full Story

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BAFTA Shia

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 9, 2009 06:14:06 February 9, 2009 06:14:06

Shia LaBeouf skipped the red carpet entirely at the BAFTAs. It’d be easy to rip his balls off for it like he’s Gwyneth Paltrow or Katie Holmes - all of a sudden too good for press at an awards show. But I find it harder to hate on Shia than his other douchey peers. When Shia says he’s not an attention whore, I kinda believe him. Full Story

Ricky hates Ebola and Posh!

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 2, 2009 12:04:37 February 2, 2009 12:04:37

Ricky Gervais should host the Oscars. Hugh will be wonderful. But next year, why not Ricky? Ricky’s irreverence would rip all of them, all the famewhores, each and every one, a new asshole…starting with Ebola and Posh. In an open letter to President Obama, Ricky writes: “As I'm sure you are aware, one of your flock has strayed. Full Story

23 year old smokes weed

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 2, 2009 06:15:35 February 2, 2009 06:15:35

Nothing newsworthy about that. Except the 23 year old in question is a golden boy who sells cereal. And cars. And baby bottles. And is the poster boy for perfection attached to millions of dollars in endorsements catered to the MiniVan Majority. They don’t mind so much that he goes to Vegas and shoves his head in between the breasts of some nasty skank. Full Story

Hoax camouflage

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 29, 2009 08:33:30 January 29, 2009 08:33:30

So yesterday, Entertainment Weekly, after hearing from Joaquin Phoenix sources, reported that his recent rap journey is actually an elaborate hoax to be filmed by Casey Affleck for a mockumentary about celebrity meltdowns. Full Story

Please.Make.Him.Stop

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 29, 2009 07:35:58 January 29, 2009 07:35:58

Yesterday it was Scarlett Johansson vanity singing. Today, it’s that Pipsqueak Justin Timberlake vanity acting. He sat down for an interview with Katie Couric to promote the Grammys – because only HE can increase Grammy ratings! – and they discussed everything from Timbaland, to Madonna, to SNL, to Beyonce, and yes… His acting. Full Story

Not sad smut, just big douche

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 28, 2009 10:13:01 January 28, 2009 10:13:01

Many of you kind hearted souls were worried about Joaquin Phoenix - his unkempt appearance, his BYE GOOD retirement, his bizarre antics - and you appealed to have him classified as sad smut. JP is not sad smut. But he is a f-cking loser. So the rap endeavour, his explanation to People Magazine that it's his life's dream in hip hop - not so. Full Story

Douche tv monologue

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 27, 2009 09:28:29 January 27, 2009 09:28:29

You know John Mayer was That Kid, right? He was probably picked on in school, zitty, greasy, not down with the popular crowd…and has been carrying that around his whole life. So now even though he’s a famous rock star, he’s still living looking backwards – every move is a giant “f-ck you” to those who shut him down in grade 10. Full Story