Douchebags Articles

Annoying and entitled Hollywood celebrity douchebags.

23 year old smokes weed

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 2, 2009 06:15:35 February 2, 2009 06:15:35

Nothing newsworthy about that. Except the 23 year old in question is a golden boy who sells cereal. And cars. And baby bottles. And is the poster boy for perfection attached to millions of dollars in endorsements catered to the MiniVan Majority. They don’t mind so much that he goes to Vegas and shoves his head in between the breasts of some nasty skank. Full Story

Hoax camouflage

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 29, 2009 08:33:30 January 29, 2009 08:33:30

So yesterday, Entertainment Weekly, after hearing from Joaquin Phoenix sources, reported that his recent rap journey is actually an elaborate hoax to be filmed by Casey Affleck for a mockumentary about celebrity meltdowns. Full Story

Please.Make.Him.Stop

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 29, 2009 07:35:58 January 29, 2009 07:35:58

Yesterday it was Scarlett Johansson vanity singing. Today, it’s that Pipsqueak Justin Timberlake vanity acting. He sat down for an interview with Katie Couric to promote the Grammys – because only HE can increase Grammy ratings! – and they discussed everything from Timbaland, to Madonna, to SNL, to Beyonce, and yes… His acting. Full Story

Not sad smut, just big douche

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 28, 2009 10:13:01 January 28, 2009 10:13:01

Many of you kind hearted souls were worried about Joaquin Phoenix - his unkempt appearance, his BYE GOOD retirement, his bizarre antics - and you appealed to have him classified as sad smut. JP is not sad smut. But he is a f-cking loser. So the rap endeavour, his explanation to People Magazine that it's his life's dream in hip hop - not so. Full Story

Douche tv monologue

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 27, 2009 09:28:29 January 27, 2009 09:28:29

You know John Mayer was That Kid, right? He was probably picked on in school, zitty, greasy, not down with the popular crowd…and has been carrying that around his whole life. So now even though he’s a famous rock star, he’s still living looking backwards – every move is a giant “f-ck you” to those who shut him down in grade 10. Full Story

SAG Crotch Itch: Mickey Rourke

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 26, 2009 05:38:35 January 26, 2009 05:38:35

It’s no secret…he’ll readily admit it… the man is depraved. Quite obviously, awards season turns him on. Or his psoriasis is flaring up. Whatever the reason, Mickey Rourke can’t keep his hands off his junk. Like constantly. Perhaps it’s his way of dealing with nerves. Full Story

Alba B*tch is a bully

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 21, 2009 07:04:41 January 21, 2009 07:04:41

As you know, Jessica Alba is all, like, socially involved now, claiming to have actively campaigned among Latino voters for the Obama campaign, even though not even two years ago, she did not want to be called Latina. These days though, Alba has a new image to sell. She’s a mother, she an “actor”, she doesn’t want to be known as a “body”, not unless you pay her to star in your ad campaign for Campari. Full Story

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Pippy swaggers!

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 20, 2009 09:58:28 January 20, 2009 09:58:28

So you know the Mighty Opes has been taping her show this weekend from Washington in honour of President Barack Obama’s Inauguration. Some high profile celebrities have come to visit and more are expected. Those who weren’t able to drop in sent video messages. Like Pipsqueak Justin Timberlake. Full Story

Hugh don’t know Junior

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 19, 2009 10:03:26 January 19, 2009 10:03:26

My favourite, favourite story of the day. So Hugh Jackman and the rest of the Wolverine hotnesses are in Vancouver shooting final scenes. Hugh happens to be working out at the same fitness centre as Kevin Federline Junior who is tagging along with his wife and paycheque Tori Spelling while she films Smallville. Full Story

The Year of Living Rap

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 19, 2009 06:02:10 January 19, 2009 06:02:10

Ugh. What happened to Joaquin Phoenix? As you know, he said BYE GOOD to acting and instead has chosen to document his attempt to become a rap artist – yes, a rap artist – with bestie Casey Affleck. Apparently hip-hop is his life’s love, and he is now dedicated to pursuing the perfect rhyme. Full Story

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Piven on the defence

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 19, 2009 05:54:23 January 19, 2009 05:54:23

As you know, Jeremy Piven dropped out of the Broadway production of Speed-the-Plow just before Christmas citing mercury poisoning for not being able to fulfill his contractual obligation. Now the producers of the production have filed a grievance against him  Full Story