Douchebags Articles

Annoying and entitled Hollywood celebrity douchebags.

Sasha Fierce hates dogs?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 15, 2009 09:55:26 January 15, 2009 09:55:26

Thank you for your emails about Marcus. He gave us a scare and what topped it off for us was that he was not interested in food. It was a sign of the apocalypse. This is what happens when you eat sh-t. Relief though - he’s turned a corner after getting a shot in the ass. And we knew it was all good when he barked in the FedEx man’s face yesterday because the lovely fellow understandably did not want to touch his stanky toy goose for an impromptu game of chase. Full Story

Is this a man?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 14, 2009 07:30:39 January 14, 2009 07:30:39

Debatable. His name is Brian Austin Green. You know him better as David Silver. He spent most of the 90s making out with Tori Spelling…remember him? Oh yeah…him. Brian Austin Green is engaged to Megan Fox, a man in his 30s desperately hanging on to his young break out girl who is trying to cope with outgrowing him. Full Story

Globes Best White: Kate Beckinsale

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 12, 2009 08:01:00 January 12, 2009 08:01:00

Two for two… well done. Let’s give it to her because she wanted it so badly. The pinched expression on her face gives it away. Shades of her best friend Posh. Please, please, please tell me I’m stylish! I slaved all day to be stylish! And the poor thing…she had to present with that megalomaniacal buffoon P Diddy dick ass who practically pushed her off the stage when he was speaking. Full Story

NYE Waste of Money

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 1, 2009 11:34:52 January 1, 2009 11:34:52

Denise Richards and Lance Bass co-hosted a party at Prive Planet Hollywood in Vegas. Like, who would hire Denise Richards? And… who would actually GO to an event hosted by Denise Richards??? I would rather grab takeout at McDonalds – quarter with cheese, supersized fries, AND a filet fish to wash it all down – in my jammies, with greasy hair and a face full of pimples, and wine dispensed from a spout on a box than waste a good dress and an even better pair of shoes ringing in the new year with Denise Richards. Full Story

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Best of `08: Douchebag`s break-up press conference

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 31, 2008 10:33:26 December 31, 2008 10:33:26

August 16, 2008. We were one week into the Olympics, obsessed with Michael Phelps, and John Mayer shamewhore famewhore got jealous and decided to hold an impromptu press conference FOR THE PAPARAZZI telling the world, on camera, why HE BROKE UP with Jennifer Aniston. Over and again he said he BROKE UP with Jennifer Aniston. Full Story

Worst of 2008: Princess AssTalk’s asstalking

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 22, 2008 19:21:35 December 22, 2008 19:21:35

“I am truly grateful for the honor that the Academy bestowed upon me last year. I did not feel that I was given the material this season to warrant an Emmy nomination and in an effort to maintain the integrity of the Academy organization, I withdrew my name from contention. In addition, I did not want to potentially take away an opportunity from an actress who was given such materials. Full Story

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Mickey the leader

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 17, 2008 07:32:39 December 17, 2008 07:32:39

Last night The Wrestler premiered in LA and we’ve been talking since TIFF about the Oscar buzz, about his performance, and right now, Mickey Rourke appears to be the leader. Based on performance, absolutely they say he deserves it. He is outstanding. But as you know, as illustrated by the fact that a lesser movie called Crash managed to outvote Brokeback Mountain, it’s all about the voters. Full Story

Hair, Legs, Douchebags, and Dogs

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 12, 2008 06:36:00 December 12, 2008 06:36:00

This is how she’s selling her movie. It’s Jennifer Aniston looking amazing last night at the LA premiere of Marley & Me in perhaps one of the shortest dresses she’s ever worn, showing off those legs, that crazy body, hair blown out to perfection, arms wrapped reassuringly around a fragile Owen Wilson, not posing with her douchey boyfriend John Mayer, but summoning him there anyway to make sure you know he’s her douchey boyfriend. Full Story

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He thinks thoughts and blogs

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 11, 2008 12:02:00 December 11, 2008 12:02:00

While his girlfriend Jennifer Aniston is electrifying the blogosphere today, empowering women by getting naked and spreading her legs (more photos from the magazine are attached and seriously her breasts are hurting me), John Mayer has taken to the Huffington Post Full Story

More profundity from a douchebag groupie

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 9, 2008 14:36:11 December 9, 2008 14:36:11

The UK Daily Mirror is claiming an exclusive with Jennifer Aniston. Take with a grain of salt but let’s run with it for now… Because the profundity of her profoundness is just too good to ignore. Apparently she talks about John Mayer. No. Actually… She gushes about John Mayer. "He's a rare one. Full Story

Upgrading is good

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 8, 2008 19:54:34 December 8, 2008 19:54:34

Emily Blunt is free from that cheese dick Michael Buble. He told People that he’d always love her and that he’s happy she’s found a new man. As you know, she’s apparently now dating John Krasinski. Full Story