Douchebags Articles

Annoying and entitled Hollywood celebrity douchebags.

He raps?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 26, 2008 07:48:27 November 26, 2008 07:48:27

So Joaquin Phoenix said he was retiring from acting to focus on music. We all made the assumption that he would slowly fade away based on his reclusive personality and his handwriting a few weeks ago: BYE GOOD. Happily this does not seem to be the case. Even the ones who shun the spotlight can’t help their addiction to the spotlight…see? How else can you explain this? Turns out Joaquin is shooting a doc with close friend Casey Affleck chronicling his journey from actor to musician. Full Story

Legs at Letterman but no Vince

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 25, 2008 18:09:47 November 25, 2008 18:09:47

Reese Witherspoon outside Letterman studios today for an appearance with David to promote Four Christmases in theatres tomorrow. She’s been working hard on the promotional trail, on the carpet, morning chats, magazine covers, and shouldering the responsibility for the movie, the sole face of the film thus far, even though she’s supposed to have a co-star. Full Story

Dear Michael Cera

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 21, 2008 14:10:14 November 21, 2008 14:10:14

Please… please don’t suck. Like, you’re so amazing now because you make movies. And that is SO great. But there’s always the beginning. And the beginning was the best. The beginning was the Bluth. And the Bluths were killed too soon. But now they have new life. And you are apparently the only hold out. Full Story

Low classy Beat-Me Mouth

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 19, 2008 13:14:51 November 19, 2008 13:14:51

JailBait Miley Cyrus appeared on Ellen this week to promote Bolt and made everyone hate her even more. See clip below. I know. You want to slap her in the beat-me mouth, don’t you? That voice, that cackle – how many cigarettes do you have to mainline to achieve that cackle? And the low classy chair fidgeting. Full Story

The Crown Prince of AssTalk

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 17, 2008 12:10:49 November 17, 2008 12:10:49

Katherine Heigl is the Princess. And who is her Prince? Prince. Or the artist formerly known as… or whatever we’re supposed to be calling himself these days. Up until 2 hours ago, I adored him. Would have gone to bed with him. And then, this new interview Full Story

One giant dealbreaker

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 17, 2008 10:55:00 November 17, 2008 10:55:00

I react to Mario Lopez the same way I react to roadkill or Pete Doherty: Ew. Remember when People Magazine named him the Hottest Bachelor? Ew!!!!!!!!! I don’t get it. To me Mario Lopez is head to toe one giant dealbreaker. Full Story

Two douches on a carpet

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 14, 2008 08:19:41 November 14, 2008 08:19:41

Last night, one carpet, two douchebags: Justin Timberlake and John Mayer at the Keep A Child Alive 5th Annual Black Ball in New York. Am surprised Shelfy didn’t beg and plead to tag along. Maybe Pip didn’t want her embarrassing him in front of Alicia Keys and Queen Latifah. Wonder what that punk smug smile on his face is all about. Full Story

TV Girl's triumphant return

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 14, 2008 06:46:02 November 14, 2008 06:46:02

It was a week that started low, continued to build, and ended on several high notes. Well done, Huvane. He turned his sh-t around, well done indeed. Because gone is the memory of Jennifer Aniston degrading herself at The Ivy, replaced by Jennifer Aniston’s tight ass body on 30 Rock, clad in skin-baring outfits in every scene, returning to Must See TV, and finally coming home, proving that her place, always and forever, will not be at the movies comfortable ensconced on the couch on the small screen. Full Story

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Pippy’s so man!

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 11, 2008 13:05:29 November 11, 2008 13:05:29

Pip’s balls may not have dropped all the way, but he swaggers like he’s a real man, all badass and ready to rumble with his security close behind him prepped to jump in as he confronts a pap for shooting him while he’s eating. Video is below. Do you remember Pipper on Punkd? When he practically wet his pants? Just as bonus, I’m throwing that in too. Full Story

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Bad Birthday Karma

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 10, 2008 10:28:54 November 10, 2008 10:28:54

What could possibly be so sh-t about the lives of the stars that they routinely resort to verbally and emotionally abusing the small people? Puffy/Diddy/ F-cktwat threw a birthday party the other night and hired a designer. The designer was given some money and a few hours and instructed to decorate just so but all white (which is so over) with roses and mirrors and other standard lounge embellishments. Full Story