Douchebags Articles

Annoying and entitled Hollywood celebrity douchebags.

Pippy Le Pew

June 24, 2008 06:34:10 Posted at June 24, 2008 06:34:10
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Pipsqueak popped up in Paris yesterday to do a little shopping. Shelfy was not with him in person but, as usual, she was soon present in spirit, as rumours started circulating in America almost immediately that Justin picked up a bauble or two for her. Jessica Biel’s publicist never ceases to amaze. Full Story

The Ingrate: A History

June 23, 2008 06:46:52 Posted at June 23, 2008 06:46:52
Lainey Posted by Lainey

The Princess of AssTalk wants off Grey’s Anatomy which is why she mouthed off a couple of weeks ago about the weakness of the writing, hiding her ulterior motives behind a pathetic attempt at “honour” to fleece the MiniVan Majority. You will note…People Magazine has still not reported on the story. Full Story

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Golden Showers on the Road

June 23, 2008 05:27:00 Posted at June 23, 2008 05:27:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

There will be no lucky fans invited back to John Mayer’s hotel room to be pee’d on this time. It appears John has found himself a travelling shower-girl. As I was the first to report a couple of weeks ago, Jennifer Aniston is joining John for part of his tour. She flew out of LAX yesterday with great fanfare, arrived in London ahead of her boyfriend, and showed the Brits what a real California tan looks like when she popped out for dinner last night. Full Story

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Steve > Mike

June 23, 2008 05:20:13 Posted at June 23, 2008 05:20:13
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Hate being wrong. But love being wrong when it means Mike Myers sucks ass. And Mike Myers sucked very large ass this weekend at the box office. A fourth place finished. FOURTH!!! Not only was he unable to win, he couldn’t even make it close! The Love Guru is a critical and commercial bomb! Get Smart on the other hand – after a couple of clunkers, including last year’s terrible Evan Almighty, Steve Carell finally came back on top. Full Story

Friday, June 20, 2008

Dear Gossips,

This is it: The Love Guru vs Get Smart, Mike vs Steve, Pippy Timberlake vs Dwayne the Rock Johnson… snort.

The good news is – critics are eviscerating The Love Guru and judging Get Smart more favourably. The bad news is – good taste is dead. Don’t let Get Smart be a flop! Pick Steve Carell! Because at the very least, Steve Carell is a good guy. Steve Carell is not a humourless douchebag diva.

Mike Myers on the other hand…

He stopped by Conan O”Brien the other night and pulled his usual f&ckery: insisting on a specific brand of creamer for his coffee, sending interns out on a whim for Twizzlers and raspberry seltzer and when the seltzer arrived, he fussed that it wasn’t the right brand and sent the poor kid running to correct the egregious error.

It’s a talk show! You’re there for, what, maybe 2 hours? They stock the green room with the loveliest things as it is anyway! He couldn’t wait two f&cking hours to go get that sh*t himself??? Sit DOWN Mike Myers!

Friday! Am posting all day so check back often.

Yours in gossip,


PS. Justine Bateman is not the other woman. The Governator is not hiding mistresses.

PPS. Also – It’s Always Something… Else!

On Tuesday night I’ll be partying at the Drake in Toronto in support of Gilda’s Club. Dan and Jessi from MTV Canada and The Aftershow will be there too hosting one of the sessions, Ron Sexsmith is headlining, and k-os is spinning late late late. For tickets call 416.214.9898 ext 504 and click here for more information. Gilda’s Club provides a wide array of services in a non-medical, home-like setting and always free of charge, dedicated to support and education in a home-like setting for anyone at any stage of cancer, their families and friends.

See you there!

PPPS. Love to Jody Vance! Jody is guest hosting at CityLine on Monday so if you"re all about girls supporting girls, you must support this girl. Jody was the FIRST female "in the history of Canadian television to host her own sports show in primetime." She did it without having to take off her glasses and push out her tits. Watch Jody on Monday. She will dazzle you. Promise.

PPPPS. Can"t wait for the new season of Project Runway Canada. My favourite, favourite last year! Application deadline for designers on Season 2 is today. Do you measure up? Click here to become the next Tom or Stella.

Why are they apart?

June 19, 2008 06:23:37 Posted at June 19, 2008 06:23:37
Lainey Posted by Lainey

No really…why? Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen – they should totally be together. Is there a more perfect couple? These assholes deserve each other! It’s a mystery why they split! As you know, they’ve been fighting forever about their kids, over money, terms of the divorce… now a voice message that Charlie left for Denise three years ago that was included in their court documents has somehow leaked to the tabloids. Full Story

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Dear Gossips,

If you’ve been visiting this site for a while and familiar with the riddles, this portrait of Mike Myers from Entertainment Weekly shouldn’t surprise you. Perfectionist? Or a pain in the f&cking ass? According to his supporters, his “comic genius” allows him licence to act a douchebag and treat people like sh*t. Problem is, he’s pissed off so many they’re actually pulling for him NOT to succeed.

The Love Guru takes on Get Smart this weekend. It was an unusual move by both studios – rare that two big budget pictures are going head to head on the same weekend. The common practice in recent years has been to move things around to avoid direct confrontation. But neither blinked. Rumour has it that, for Mike at least, it’s become a bit of an ego trip. He wants to take Steve down…

Will Get Smart flop?

Hopefully not.

Here’s Steve with his wife last night at the premiere in LA and please go see Get Smart. Think of it this way – if The Love Guru is a huge hit, we’ll never hear the end of it from Pipsqueak Justin Timberlake who’ll probably start taking credit for saving the film. Not unlike the way he took credit for saving the Grammys.

Tuesday – am online all day. Remember to refresh. NKOTB article is coming… it’s a long one and was distracted yesterday by the US Open. Miss golf. Hate Mischa Barton!

Yours in gossip,


PS. Michael Douglas does not have another woman. The other woman isn’t Krista Allen.

Kate & Lance: Family Weekend

June 16, 2008 05:49:18 Posted at June 16, 2008 05:49:18
Lainey Posted by Lainey

It’s been almost a month since word got out that they’re dating but it looks like player vs player has turned into something more serious. At least that’s the assumption considering they’re not just f&cking, they’re also spending some quality family time. First – a few days together  Full Story

Baby Balls Meets Golden Balls

June 13, 2008 06:41:16 Posted at June 13, 2008 06:41:16
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Pipsqueak and David Beckham at the Laker Game last night, quite obviously a meeting of the minds. Next to the Golden Balls, Pippy’s undropped handicap is all the more evident. But Becks is hot, isn’t it? As for Justin, didn’t see Shelf Ass Jessica Biel, which would mark the 2nd night in a row she wasn’t allowed to show herself off as his girlfriend. Full Story

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No Shelf on the Carpet

June 12, 2008 06:44:20 Posted at June 12, 2008 06:44:20
Lainey Posted by Lainey

The PipWeasel last night on the carpet for the premiere of The Love Guru which – maybe it’s just me – looks like total ass. Even the trailer. Get Smart instead, ok? After all, Steve Carell deserves it more than Mike Myers. And at least Steve isn’t a crazy unfunny bitch on set. Full Story

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Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Dear Gossips,

Justin Timberlake on Leno last night… is SO unattractive when he’s not singing or dancing. Please.Don’t.Talk.

In that respect, Pip is not unlike Becks. But Becks doesn’t bust his balls trying to be cool. Pip is like that boy dressed up in daddy’s suit trying to make his aunties laugh. And while it was endearing when he was 7, at 27 he’s just a Pipsqueak telling bad jokes.

Jay did try to ask him about the Shelf Ass Biel. Pippy tried to be all coy about the engagement question. In the end he denied that they were getting married… but you bet your boob job Shelfy and her agent were hanging off every word, so pleased to have been mentioned on The Tonight show she probably now has it on her audition reel.

Point of the story… Love Guru vs Get Smart next week. Don’t let Get Smart be a flop.

Or maybe I’m just grumpy. Pippy gets to play Torrey Pines and I get to play sh*t. Sigh. Spent the afternoon at the orthopaedic surgeon’s yesterday. The good news – no more sling. The bad news – no golf this season. No hope, no possibility. Nothing. Am sending a thousand virtual farts to f*cking Mischa Barton!

So Madonna is publicly denying she’s hired a divorce lawyer. Do you believe?

Wednesday – am blogging all day.

Yours in gossip,


PS. Post Partum Flirtation is not Halle Berry. Hell no.

PPS. This is not about Kate Hudson. Kate Hudson keeps making sh*tty movies. She is not an overreacher. Then again, she’s never worked at a rub’n’tug either.