Douchebags Articles

Annoying and entitled Hollywood celebrity douchebags.

Baby Balls Meets Golden Balls

June 13, 2008 06:41:16 Posted at June 13, 2008 06:41:16
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Pipsqueak and David Beckham at the Laker Game last night, quite obviously a meeting of the minds. Next to the Golden Balls, Pippy’s undropped handicap is all the more evident. But Becks is hot, isn’t it? As for Justin, didn’t see Shelf Ass Jessica Biel, which would mark the 2nd night in a row she wasn’t allowed to show herself off as his girlfriend. Full Story

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No Shelf on the Carpet

June 12, 2008 06:44:20 Posted at June 12, 2008 06:44:20
Lainey Posted by Lainey

The PipWeasel last night on the carpet for the premiere of The Love Guru which – maybe it’s just me – looks like total ass. Even the trailer. Get Smart instead, ok? After all, Steve Carell deserves it more than Mike Myers. And at least Steve isn’t a crazy unfunny bitch on set. Full Story

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Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Dear Gossips,

Justin Timberlake on Leno last night… is SO unattractive when he’s not singing or dancing. Please.Don’t.Talk.

In that respect, Pip is not unlike Becks. But Becks doesn’t bust his balls trying to be cool. Pip is like that boy dressed up in daddy’s suit trying to make his aunties laugh. And while it was endearing when he was 7, at 27 he’s just a Pipsqueak telling bad jokes.

Jay did try to ask him about the Shelf Ass Biel. Pippy tried to be all coy about the engagement question. In the end he denied that they were getting married… but you bet your boob job Shelfy and her agent were hanging off every word, so pleased to have been mentioned on The Tonight show she probably now has it on her audition reel.

Point of the story… Love Guru vs Get Smart next week. Don’t let Get Smart be a flop.

Or maybe I’m just grumpy. Pippy gets to play Torrey Pines and I get to play sh*t. Sigh. Spent the afternoon at the orthopaedic surgeon’s yesterday. The good news – no more sling. The bad news – no golf this season. No hope, no possibility. Nothing. Am sending a thousand virtual farts to f*cking Mischa Barton!

So Madonna is publicly denying she’s hired a divorce lawyer. Do you believe?

Wednesday – am blogging all day.

Yours in gossip,

Lainey

PS. Post Partum Flirtation is not Halle Berry. Hell no.

PPS. This is not about Kate Hudson. Kate Hudson keeps making sh*tty movies. She is not an overreacher. Then again, she’s never worked at a rub’n’tug either.

Pippy Putts

June 6, 2008 13:55:29 Posted at June 6, 2008 13:55:29
Lainey Posted by Lainey

It hurts me to post these. It hurts to look at my golf clubs collecting dust in the closet. Just before breaking my arm, I had finally figured out my short game. Was supposed to break 100 this season. Many times. F*cking Mischa Barton Full Story

Carb Face & Abbie Go Public

June 6, 2008 07:40:29 Posted at June 6, 2008 07:40:29
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Last night at the Australian in Film Breakthrough Awards, Ryan Phillippe and Abbie Cornish arrived together – their first time in public as a couple. Apparently they were sweet and loving and he had his arm around her and as you would expect, because this was reported in People, they seemed very much in love. Full Story

Pippy’s Balls Pulled Back

June 5, 2008 11:13:52 Posted at June 5, 2008 11:13:52
Lainey Posted by Lainey

I reported earlier that Pipsqueak Justin Timberlake’s people were trying to force through a contract obliging journalists covering the Love Guru junket to report only what they approved. Full Story

Sit DOWN Justin Timberlake

June 5, 2008 07:01:04 Posted at June 5, 2008 07:01:04
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Seriously … sit your Pip ass DOWN! I call it Small Ball Syndrome. Not unlike Napoleon Syndrome. You know how they say short dudes overcompensate for their vertical challenges by going overboard on toughness and aggression? Well since Pipsqueak’s balls have only partially dropped, it’s like he’s trying to make up for his testicular deficit by swinging a big stick around – a stick wielded not by him but by his legal team. Full Story

John Takes Jen on the Road

May 14, 2008 10:40:13 Posted at May 14, 2008 10:40:13
Lainey Posted by Lainey

From Miami to Orlando! Jennifer Aniston is taking her sizzling spring fling with John Mayer on the road! John was booked for a private RIM performance in Orlando last night and flew via private jet with Jen and her dog Norman. Norman is so cute. Look at him. Look at his dopey face looking for something to pee on. Full Story

Another Case of Pip Hypocrisy

May 9, 2008 10:35:42 Posted at May 9, 2008 10:35:42
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Madonna made him hot…but he’s still a f&cking douchebag. Justin Timberlake has signed with MTV to produce a reality tv show called The Phone, kinda like a Bourne Identity meets the Amazing Race which, to be fair, is not the kind of reality show about twats and losers like The Hills etc but still… This is the same little Pipsqueak who stood up on stage last year at the VMAs and snubbed Lauren Conrad who was presenting his award. Full Story

The Difference of a Year

May 6, 2008 08:52:34 Posted at May 6, 2008 08:52:34
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Last year John Mayer accompanied a tranny  to the Costume Institute Gala. She wore a Cavalli that was too small, resulting in back fat and Lara and I lost our sh*t. It was the beginning of the end. Shortly after that, John and Jessica parted ways. Full Story