Douchebags Articles

Annoying and entitled Hollywood celebrity douchebags.

The Double Save-Face

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 27, 2008 06:47:06 June 27, 2008 06:47:06

Pippy Le Pew is currently starring in a box office bomb. Annihilated by critics and passed over by the public, The Love Guru is expected to drop steeply in just its second weekend. Justin Timberlake, although he refuses to take ownership, is still smarting from the failure. His Shelf Ass meanwhile is also suffering a setback. Full Story

Big Brother Pays for Pam

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 26, 2008 08:52:28 June 26, 2008 08:52:28

It was announced the other day that Big Brother Australia is bringing in Pamela Anderson for a special appearance on the new season. Since she can’t act, and isn’t good for much else but taking off her clothes, this has become her career. A filthy scab hired to show up randomly just to push her tits together and breathe a few words. Full Story

Of course he is

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 25, 2008 07:35:13 June 25, 2008 07:35:13

Pippy Le Pew Justin Timberlake claims he suffers from OCD. But of course he does. All artists have compulsions, right? And Pip is, above all things, indisputably an artist. "I have OCD mixed with ADD. You try living with that. It"s complicated”, he said. No douchebag… it’s contrived. Full Story

Troy Dyer 2008

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 25, 2008 05:47:32 June 25, 2008 05:47:32

1995/1996. Reality Bites was my life. Final year of university, no clue what to do, a lifelong obsession with Winona Ryder, I smoked cigarettes incessantly, cut my hair like her shag, wore baggy dresses over tank tops and chucks, never went to class, and videotaped the last 3 months of our lives. As lame as that sounds, my friend Timmy and I, we watched that footage back just last year and had the best laughs ever. Full Story

Jen’s Piece Looks Young and Hot

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 25, 2008 05:43:50 June 25, 2008 05:43:50

John Mayer yesterday heading out of Amsterdam, presumably en route to England to hook up with Jennifer Aniston. Hate to say but he looks hot with his short fresh haircut. Hot and young. Which of course only works in her favour. As you’ve read from all the stories in the tabloids – John’s impressive skill in the bedroom, how his sex has rejuvenated her – dating a younger man has been yet another rally cry to mobilise Aniston’s MiniVan masses. Full Story

Sean Fashionisto - you are not Tom Ford

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 24, 2008 09:42:00 June 24, 2008 09:42:00

Sit DOWN Sean Avery! The most despicable man in hockey spent several weeks interning at Vogue and now reckons he"s Tom Ford. However, the fashionisto f*cker got all dolled up the other day for an REM concert in head to toe black with a matching pageboy cap and had people snickering that he looked like he"d walked off a JLo video circa 1998. Full Story

Pippy Le Pew

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 24, 2008 06:34:10 June 24, 2008 06:34:10

Pipsqueak popped up in Paris yesterday to do a little shopping. Shelfy was not with him in person but, as usual, she was soon present in spirit, as rumours started circulating in America almost immediately that Justin picked up a bauble or two for her. Jessica Biel’s publicist never ceases to amaze. Full Story

The Ingrate: A History

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 23, 2008 06:46:52 June 23, 2008 06:46:52

The Princess of AssTalk wants off Grey’s Anatomy which is why she mouthed off a couple of weeks ago about the weakness of the writing, hiding her ulterior motives behind a pathetic attempt at “honour” to fleece the MiniVan Majority. You will note…People Magazine has still not reported on the story. Full Story

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Golden Showers on the Road

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 23, 2008 05:27:00 June 23, 2008 05:27:00

There will be no lucky fans invited back to John Mayer’s hotel room to be pee’d on this time. It appears John has found himself a travelling shower-girl. As I was the first to report a couple of weeks ago, Jennifer Aniston is joining John for part of his tour. She flew out of LAX yesterday with great fanfare, arrived in London ahead of her boyfriend, and showed the Brits what a real California tan looks like when she popped out for dinner last night. Full Story

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Steve > Mike

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 23, 2008 05:20:13 June 23, 2008 05:20:13

Hate being wrong. But love being wrong when it means Mike Myers sucks ass. And Mike Myers sucked very large ass this weekend at the box office. A fourth place finished. FOURTH!!! Not only was he unable to win, he couldn’t even make it close! The Love Guru is a critical and commercial bomb! Get Smart on the other hand – after a couple of clunkers, including last year’s terrible Evan Almighty, Steve Carell finally came back on top. Full Story

Friday, June 20, 2008

Dear Gossips,

This is it: The Love Guru vs Get Smart, Mike vs Steve, Pippy Timberlake vs Dwayne the Rock Johnson… snort.

The good news is – critics are eviscerating The Love Guru and judging Get Smart more favourably. The bad news is – good taste is dead. Don’t let Get Smart be a flop! Pick Steve Carell! Because at the very least, Steve Carell is a good guy. Steve Carell is not a humourless douchebag diva.

Mike Myers on the other hand…

He stopped by Conan O”Brien the other night and pulled his usual f&ckery: insisting on a specific brand of creamer for his coffee, sending interns out on a whim for Twizzlers and raspberry seltzer and when the seltzer arrived, he fussed that it wasn’t the right brand and sent the poor kid running to correct the egregious error.

It’s a talk show! You’re there for, what, maybe 2 hours? They stock the green room with the loveliest things as it is anyway! He couldn’t wait two f&cking hours to go get that sh*t himself??? Sit DOWN Mike Myers!

Friday! Am posting all day so check back often.

Yours in gossip,

Lainey

PS. Justine Bateman is not the other woman. The Governator is not hiding mistresses.

PPS. Also – It’s Always Something… Else!

On Tuesday night I’ll be partying at the Drake in Toronto in support of Gilda’s Club. Dan and Jessi from MTV Canada and The Aftershow will be there too hosting one of the sessions, Ron Sexsmith is headlining, and k-os is spinning late late late. For tickets call 416.214.9898 ext 504 and click here for more information. Gilda’s Club provides a wide array of services in a non-medical, home-like setting and always free of charge, dedicated to support and education in a home-like setting for anyone at any stage of cancer, their families and friends.

See you there!

PPPS. Love to Jody Vance! Jody is guest hosting at CityLine www.cityline.ca/ on Monday so if you"re all about girls supporting girls, you must support this girl. Jody was the FIRST female "in the history of Canadian television to host her own sports show in primetime." She did it without having to take off her glasses and push out her tits. Watch Jody on Monday. She will dazzle you. Promise.

PPPPS. Can"t wait for the new season of Project Runway Canada. My favourite, favourite last year! Application deadline for designers on Season 2 is today. Do you measure up? Click here to become the next Tom or Stella.