There is a feeling among us of wanting to have children together, right? They seem lovely and genuinely in love with each other so it’s easy to project our own baby desires (or mine, anyway) onto them. Also their wedding was flawless so imagine what they could do with a kid’s birthday party? Still, no babies for Hollywood’s #1 power lesbians, not now, not ever. Full Story

What would the People do if a year went by and Jen wasn’t in a movie? The People would find a way. And the People were smart to kick off the show last night with an all-time favourite. She went to Kimmel and he opened his first week out front in the new time slot, beating both Letterman and Leno. Full Story

This is the sh-t that really, REALLY makes me crazy. Like, when did they introduce new rules? People my age didn’t get the update. Is it true that when someone comes to your house now you don’t have to show them respect? You remember that incident with Justin Bieber wearing overalls when he was being honoured by the Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper? Click here Full Story

And now, an open letter of love to Ellen Degeneres for this video. It’s four minutes…it’s worth it. Check it below: A love letter for the following reasons: she does not, in fact, do this kind of thing all the time; if she had a hilarious skewery video every week, it’d be one thing but this is more than just the latest Funny Or Die. Full Story

Madonna appeared on Ellen this week (I have never noticed the physical similarities between them, but it’s there, right?) and towards the end of the segment she brought son Rocco out to take part in the Splash Tank; each dunk earns 10K for breast cancer research, so you know he was going in. Full Story

So many of you have emailed today asking for my thoughts on Kristen Bell’s sloth appearance on Ellen. Even Sasha sent a message to both Duana and me all like, “I think I might not hate her anymore”. As already mentioned, I’m a late admirer of Veronica Mars. During Seasons 1 and 2, so, like, two weeks ago, you could say I was obsessed. Full Story

Taylor Swift will be on Ellen today - is it Wednesday? - and she was asked about relationships, dealing with them as a famous person. I liked her answer. I liked how she was all like - I'm not going to complain, how could I possibly complain? And then there's a little reference to perhaps dating someone who's not all that comfortable with being scrutinised publicly. Full Story

I thought it would be over last week. It’s not. This week Gwyneth Paltrow is still everywhere. And it continues – today she’ll appear on Ellen, the episode was taped yesterday. I like what she’s wearing. Much better than the yellow sateen business she put on for the cookbook signing. Full Story

Apparently this is only a surprise for people who read and actually believe Star Magazine. Every other month, someone tries to make us think that Jennifer Aniston wants babies. Maybe she encourages that a little, but mostly it’s because the MiniVan Majority really, really wants that for her. They want for her what they have for themselves. Full Story

Especially when Julia is around… It was Ellen DeGeneres’s 53rd birthday yesterday. And they made a big production of it on her show. Supposedly it was all a surprise; she didn’t know who the guests would be, only that each one would be a mystery. And then Julia Roberts came out first and it became all about her. Full Story

I have been foul all week. The worst mood ever. Mostly due to a lingering cold/maybe sinus infection. But also because of detox. No more holiday drinking, no more farting around eating Oreos all day. It’s a chicken-only existence right now. I hate chicken so much. But the tv work is starting up again, we’re heading to Sundance soon, and then in 7 weeks it’s the Oscars, which means, literally, eating will not be fun until February 28. Full Story

This sh-t just writes itself. "My lips just slide all over the place....I can't catch up with my mouth. I need a little coating...." And you wonder why I call her Porny. It just comes naturally. And this is also why I used to say she had a cocksucker’s mouth. Because, well, she can’t f-cking help it. Full Story

Best way to wash the sick of Polanski away? Mimi Cheese! Who else would appear on Ellen and show off her garters? Please. I just watched it this morning. It’s making up for the rain. She managed to walk by herself up to the couches. SO. PROUD. I have replayed this part 3 times. Because her face as she emerges, and the double waves, while tottering on her shoes, is the most amazing of amazingness in the history of amazings. Full Story

I am constantly fighting with Duana and Laura because they say I can’t hold a tune. I can totally hold a tune. Laura can’t judge me by my random office stylings because I’m simply not trying. And the time that Du and I went to karaoke it was 4am and I was drunk. Doesn’t count. Full Story