Jessica & John: a love well timed

August 30, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at August 30, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Funny how in Hollywood a romance begins right when there happens to be something to sell. Total coincidence, zero conspiracy…right? Still…this one kinda tickles, so what the hell, if I played along for Nicole & Keith, why not play along for Jessica Simpson and John Mayer, especially when both Us Weekly and People Magazine are reporting that it"s legit, that new love is in bloom, that they exchanged saliva and a raging case of laryngitis - what"s not to love??? I know this is hurting many of you. I know he has legions of fans - several have already expressed their grief in my inbox and while I"m not particularly enamored myself (he looks like he"d smell of spoiled milk), I do feel your pain. I had to endure 7 years of Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston and f*ck, if David ever left Victoria and hooked up with Jordan, I think I would probably commit suicide. But - gulp - at the risk of inviting your attacks, I actually think he scored big time on this one. I"m actually quite happy for him. I mean, isn"t this the same dude who once spent $1,500 on a call-in sex chat line? AFTER he became famous? Doesn"t that tell you a little somethin" about his horndog? Now for a man with those kinds of predilections, isn"t hittin" Jessica Simpson, like, akin to hittin" the f&ckin" jackpot? With lips that were trained to fellate by Jackass himself and tits so legendary, even her father can"t help but speak of them, a former Baptist minister"s daughter, a virgin til marriage, no sex during the teens, the awkwardness used up on Nick, now a seasoned harlot and a lot of catching up to do…all of this finally bestowed on one John Mayer? Come. On. How can you not be happy for the lucky sod? And how can you not admire the brilliant timing of this new development, particularly when she can"t sing to support her new release? Photo via TMZ
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