Rossum for his birthday
Run, Robert, RUN.
Today is Robert Pattinson’s birthday. I know this because my inbox has been pounded by his fans, some very polite, and some not so polite, “belligerating” me for not wishing him a Happy Birthday. I’ll let you enjoy that for a minute or two. My birthday, by the way, is September 26th. Doubt I’ll be hearing from him.
Unfortunately, for his birthday this year, Robert could be raped by sugar. No worse gift on a birthday than a sugar raping. Apparently Emmy Rossum has auditioned for a role in his new movie. A heartbreaking romantic drama. So if she gets the part, for several weeks he’ll be stuck with that sickly sweet doe eyed fawn trying not to vomit when she asks if she can play him some of her songs.
Have you heard her latest song? It’s called...
Get ready for it...
I want to die.
You will want to die when you hear it.
Robert Pattinson is going to die when he hears it. Every day.
I’m telling you Twi-Hards, you better be sacrificing two lambs a day to Shiloh Jolie Pitt in prayer that this does not happen.
And finally, a birthday hate mail seems appropriate, non?
From Carla in San Diego. Really love the use of the rhetorical question:
So you can’t even mention Rob’s birthday can you, you c-nt! You talk sh-t about him every day but on his birthday you can’t even mention him! Would it kill you just to say Happy Birthday??????????? Or are you so much of a b-itch you can’t do something nice? Don’t answer, we already know – b-tch!
Attached – Pattinson leaving Peter Berg’s house the other day but really what he’s doing is running from Rossum. And Rossum at the Met Gala last week pretending like she belongs there.
And here’s one for you Twi-Hards. A special Pattinson Birthday Edition of Would You Rather. Fyi: it’s about distinguishing between Rossum and diarrhoea, which is worse? There is no option C and you cannot abstain. This is why Would You Rather is such a tough game.
Would you rather Robert Pattinson:
Record duet with Emmy Rossum (her kind of music) or gangsta rap with Kevin Federline?
Photos from Flynetonline.com and ST/Splashnewsonline.com