The Emmys 2013

September 23, 2013 12:39:25 Posted at September 23, 2013 12:39:25
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Photos:
Jason Merritt/ Kevin Winter/ Getty

They did a bit last night about how Neil Patrick Harris might have hosting fatigue. I can’t remember the exact name for it but you get the point. I’m not sure they actually got the point though because it was really just meant as a gratuitous promotion for How I Met Your Mother, which, as Duana said, dominated the entire show, at the expense of a lot of fresher shows. Like …Orphan Black, for example. Or even Orange Is The New Black. It was like the Emmys were willfully ignoring The Now, The New. And that’s fine, to ignore the now and the new, if you can make the not now and the not new seem superior. And they did that by filler sing-and-dance numbers that did nothing but extend an already too-long telecast at the expense of winners’ speeches? Or are you telling me you preferred that song at the halfway mark about the halfway mark? And all the jazz hands that were happening in celebration of the choreographers? Give me a tighter show and I’ll give you a good score.

Give me a better writing team too, and one that doesn’t diminish NPH with so many sexist jokes, how about that? He is above introducing Sofia Vergara by her breasts. He is ABOVE IT. So congratulations, television academy. You achieved what was thought to be impossible. It was thought that NPH could host it all and be wonderful. Last night, he was not wonderful, not by his standards. He was flat. He was tired and wan and Duana thinks there must be something wrong. Maybe what’s wrong is that they gave him sh-t to work with. If you’re going to deplete a man’s well, at least make it worth it, you know?

But it’s like, it’s like the tv people, they don’t even believe themselves that they are worth it. You remember what Tina Fey and Amy Poehler said during their opening monologue at the Golden Globes?

“Only at the Golden Globes do the beautiful people of film rub shoulders with the rat-faced people of television.”

It’s still true. Not because we make it so but because THEY make it so. Television, right now, is so much better than the movies and still, the people ON television behave like second class citizens. They definitely dress like second class citizens. Last night’s carpet was a parade of sh-t. You know how you know it’s a parade of sh-t? It’s like Chanel and Gucci and Tom Ford, they shut their doors. A lot of major fashion houses shut their doors. Or maybe they weren’t even asked. Because the television stars, they were too afraid to play anywhere else. And the ones who did manage to try something bold, from shows like Game Of Thrones, were largely ignored. Did Lena Headey get any cutaways? Even Lena Dunham, in a great Prada dress, hardly factored during the 3 hour show. Instead, it was How I Met Your Mother’s Big Bang Theory’s Modern Family and goddamn Julianne Hough (how many times do we have to see Julianne Hough?!?) over and over and over again. This is why there might not be a “Best” this year. Just a series of bad and worsts. Maybe by the time I get there, I’ll have changed my mind. It’s just that… no one really, REALLY killed it, you know? And the people who did get close were totally irrelevant during the event anyway.

You know what’s crazy? Emmys fashion actually made me miss Elie Saab last night. Was anyone in Elie Saab? Elie Saab tosses out his dresses like popcorn at every award show and Julie Bowen couldn’t have called him, really? 

Television, television, when will you stop accepting that you’re the poor relation to film? You are not, you are not, you are not.

So now we fight. You yell at me and I, actually both Duana and I, will argue that Claire’s hair sucked. Email us at lainey@laineygossip.com  and duana@laineygossip.com or tweet us @laineygossip and @duanaelise. We love reading your comments!

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