Faux Smut Articles

Fake or untrue celebrity news, gossip, or rumours.

Brange: pocket 5s are weak

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 1, 2010 11:47:00 February 1, 2010 11:47:00

What was it that I wrote last week? At best this is pocket 5s with 3 overcards on the flop at a full table. Everyone lost their sh-t last week when News of the World concocted some story about the Brange hammering out a separation agreement and that an announcement would be imminent. For those of you who don’t know poker, pocket 5s is a sh-tty hand, but everyone was willing to go all in based on a report from a rather nefarious source. Full Story

Drilling for Brange

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 25, 2010 09:46:00 January 25, 2010 09:46:00

As I noted on Twitter yesterday, the tabloid approach to a potential Brange split is like drilling for oil. They keep at it. Because if they do manage to find a new pool, it’s a limitless resource that will keep selling and selling and selling and selling. There are a few of you who complain about being bored on the Brange but, by and large, they remain the most compelling couple in Hollywood and proof of this is in the reaction. Full Story

Covers induce eyerolls

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 20, 2010 08:22:00 January 20, 2010 08:22:00

Where is People Magazine? Well, it jumps from ass to ass. Sometimes it lives inside Chris Brown’s ass. Sometimes Tori Spelling’s. This week, you can find People Magazine happily ensconced inside the Pilates toned posterior of “Rachel from Friends” who graces the cover with the MiniVan friendly headline:5 years after Brad – Fun, Flirty & 40! Really? Because to me it’s the opposite. Full Story

Brange family set visit

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 30, 2009 06:39:37 December 30, 2009 06:39:37

The Jolie is currently in New York for Salt reshoots. Yesterday Brad Pitt bundled up the girls and brought them to set to visit mom. At the end of the work day, they all left together, Angelina holding Miss Zahara and her white earmuffs and dad with the Chosen One. Reminds me of those famous photos – remember? During the first year of the Brange, she was shooting The Good Shepherd in New York having recently brought Z home, and Brad came with Maddox, carrying Z, and a bottle in his back pocket. Full Story

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Brange: cops, fights, and full body satin

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 1, 2009 06:57:48 December 1, 2009 06:57:48

I love the Jolie but f-ck she cannot dress. What is this? What are these pants? Why are these pants? How did he let her leave the house in those pants? Because you know he’s a styling man. And these are not the pants of a styling woman. If they fight about anything, please let them fight about this. Full Story

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Brad in Nice and faux Pitt Porn?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 19, 2009 08:21:44 November 19, 2009 08:21:44

Brad Pitt arrived in Nice today alone still working that scraggly beard and this just a day after a new Pitt Porn report surfaced online. They are returning fire in light of all those scandalous book allegations. Unfortunately I don’t know if I buy this one. According to Fox 411 Full Story

Oh reeeeeallly X 2

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 17, 2009 15:23:33 November 17, 2009 15:23:33

Say it like Amy Poehler and Seth Meyers. Oh reeeeeee-leeeeee? Two instances of Oh Really have come up today. The first… How about the ass-licking People.com? Earlier today I wrote this article about Lindsay Lohan’s broke ass ways. Near the end of the post, I included a link to a People. Full Story

Johnny bails out his broke ass?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 13, 2009 08:07:54 November 13, 2009 08:07:54

It’s probably not true considering it comes from the UK Daily Express but I would very much like it to be. This story is so good. So full of sh-t but so good. You may have heard that Nicolas Cage is broke ass. He’s blaming it on a shady manager who gave him bad financial advice and now he’s been forced to sell off all his castles and fortresses. Full Story

Lilo & Spittle?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 2, 2009 09:11:54 November 2, 2009 09:11:54

According to the UK tabloids which are mostly full of sh-t, Gerry Butler sprayed his spittle this weekend all over Lindsay Lohan. They were both flown into Morocco for some hotel opening and spent the night grinding up on each other on the dance floor – so reports The Mirror claiming that Spittle drove Lilo away on a golf cart but not before she told the rag that: He's hot, he's mine! I've got no ring on my finger so I'm going to have lots of fun. Full Story

And…scene

Lainey Posted by Lainey at October 29, 2009 15:46:45 October 29, 2009 15:46:45

The wrap party was last Saturday (and for those of you who keep asking, yes, contrary to what multiple outlets reported, Kristen Stewart was there though she kept it ultra low key and seemed exhausted) but Twilight Eclipse did not actually wrap until late last night/early Thursday morning. It was a closed set, it was Stewart and Robert Pattinson, and it was “Bella” trying to open her flower to “Edward” and some other corny speak. Full Story

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