Swoki’s “performative happiness”

As of this post time, Taylor Swift has yet to post a shot of Tom Hiddleston on her own Instagram account. That might change, depending on when you read this because she and her squad have been coordinating their social media drops every five minutes. The first “official” photo of her with Tom has been released however – through her best friend Britany Maack’s Instagram. Taylor was Britany’s maid of honour at her wedding earlier this year. It was Britany who had the honour:



A photo posted by Britany LaManna (@britmaack) on

I mean…

I just want to know what Ryan Reynolds is thinking, you know?

He went from being married to Scarlett Johansson who would never, EVER, EVERRRRRR. To this. His hand on his wife’s baby bump, both of them looking out into the distance…

Are you for real?

That is the question, actually.

It’s the extra that makes Swoki feel so unreal to so many people. To, maybe, most of the people (apart from the die-hard SwiftHards – is that redundant?). Yesterday Page Six invoked two words to describe the unrealness:

Tom Cruise.

Actor Tom (Hiddleston) seems to be throwing caution to the wind in his over-the-top declarations of love for Taylor. In fact, some have even compared his antics to Tom Cruise’s couch-jumping drama on Oprah just around the time he fell for Katie Holmes — and look how that turned out.

Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston are not Scientologists but you can’t deny the similarities. A reader called “S” sent me a link this morning with the term “performative happiness”. And that’s exactly what this is, isn’t it? A theatrical happiness whose life force is the power of being watched. Which makes perfect sense in Tom’s case because, well, he is nothing if not a THEATUH ACTAH.

What’s the end game though?

If we are to believe that this is an elaborate play, some sort of statement, an answer to Kanye’s Famous song and video perhaps, what is the final product? As mentioned earlier, some think this is all in service of an upcoming video, like Taylor’s own Lemonade. Let’s take a moment here to react to that possibility:


Part of Beyoncé’s brilliance is her ability to keep her sh-t locked the f-ck down. Whatever Taylor’s doing here is anything but locked down. If you can predict it, it’s not special. No one could have predicted that Beyoncé’s Lemonade would be a rumination on race, love, infidelity, family, and feminism. So if that’s what Taylor Swift is doing here, it’s already halfway spoiled.

If that’s what Taylor’s doing here, who’s bought in as a willing conspirator? Of all the people who showed up at #Taymerica this weekend, who knows it might be fake? Who else is in on it? To go back to Ryan Reynolds, who’s just thrown down a career comeback as the antihero Deadpool, does he want to be associated with this f-cksh-t? With the petty media games of a pop superstar and her thirsty ass boyfriend?

Speaking of that thirsty ass boyfriend – if this is all a giant fraud, can you imagine what Marvel must think of it? Tom Hiddleston loves one person more than he loves Taylor – and that person is an imaginary character from a fictional planet called Loki. I wonder if Marvel right now is all like, dude, you have no chill.  

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