Don’t go to the Office Christmas Party

July 27, 2016 17:09:49 Posted at July 27, 2016 17:09:49
Sarah Posted by Sarah

I know you people enjoy it when I have to sit through bad movies, so here is the first trailer for Office Christmas Party, a future probably-bad movie I’ll have to sit through. It stars Jason Bateman and Jennifer Aniston and it looks like the “wild party” montage part of The Hangover stretched out to a feature length film. There are drunken shenanigans, an uptight boss (Aniston), and flaming Christmas tree jousting, and Jason Bateman making Jason Bateman Face at all of it. I love Bateman, but he’s definitely doing Michael Bluth here. This doesn’t look good but there are so many people I like in it—Kate McKinnon, T.J. Miller, Jillian Bell, Vanessa Bayer, Matt Walsh, Randall Park, and somewhat inexplicably, Courtney B. Vance. Don’t get me wrong, Courtney B. Vance is a national treasure, but this is not where you expect to find him.

As you may know, we here in America are engaged in a longstanding and highly combative War on Christmas. Each year, America divides into two teams and conducts a two-month campaign to try and win this great battle, thus fulfilling the prophecy and bringing about Chrismageddon. The two teams are “People Who Care Too Much About Festive Greetings” and “People Who Have Real Problems”. So just remember, as the holiday season rolls around the week before Halloween, that while this major Hollywood movie with major Hollywood stars is being promoted worldwide in mainstream media outlets, that there is a War on Christmas. A holiday that over 90% of the US celebrates.

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