Star Wars broke the internet
After a long-ass delay, the final Star Wars Episode VII trailer arrived last night, plunked in the middle of Monday Night Football, just to ensure that Disney got ALL the attention and money. Why the delay? The JJ Abrams School of SECRETY SECRETS makes already strict security measures a living nightmare, but there’s also a time crunch on, as they barrel closer to that December 18th release date. (Once upon a time JJ Abrams wanted to push New New Star Wars back into summer 2016 and got denied, which means he’s stuck with an extremely tight schedule to finish the movie.) But the wait is finally over, and a new trailer for The Force Awakens is here, and it’s GREAT.
I think Lupita Nyong’o is talking at the beginning, with Daisy Ridley as Rey, which means this is the first time we’re hearing from both of them. John Boyega as Finn speaks too, and it looks like he either crash lands or is maybe shot down by his own side? We get to hear from Adam Driver's bad guy, Kylo Ren, as well. That glimpse of Rey crying is OMINOUS—someone is definitely dying. I like all of this stuff. I like that it seems like Kylo Ren has some weird daddy fantasy about Darth Vader. I like the shot of Ren and Finn fighting with lightsabers in the snow. I like the big air battle, and every time Oscar Isaac is on screen with his magnificent head of hair. I like that I see a lot of sand, but no one f*cking talks about it.
But what is it about? NO IDEA. The first teaser trailer came out last November, and now this is the third trailer, plus New New Star Wars appeared at Comic-Con and Star Wars Celebration back in April, and not through any of that does anyone have an actual clue what is going on. There are a ton of rumors circulating, but no actual, verifiable details. And this being a Bad Robot production—no one is talking. That is the tightest ship in the industry. Right now this is Schrodinger’s movie—it could be good or bad, we can’t tell. So let’s be optimists and assume good. (Please be good please be good)
Also last night pre-sales of tickets for New New Star Wars opened, and within minutes Fandango and several other ticketing services crashed. Remember when Kanye West’s wife tried to break the internet? Well Star Wars ACTUALLY broke the internet.