Franco SNL

December 21, 2009 09:25:58 Posted at December 21, 2009 09:25:58
Lainey Posted by Lainey

I thought it was the strongest show in weeks. The strongest of the season so far and critically the most well reviewed of 2009/10 to date although considering that what came before was January Jones, Blake Lively’s breasts, and the overly earnest and, in the end, rather unremarkable Taylor Lautner, perhaps that’s not saying much. Still, there were many more highlights than there have been in a while. Lorne doesn’t let just any guest open the show. And the fact that Franco was allowed to carry his own sketch (Christmas tree) is a sign that Lorne is a fan. He sang and danced a lot too. Loved the Lawrence Welk opening. Those little claw hands do it to me every time. And his monologue was so cute… but why does he squint so much? Also, he’s not #1 on the Freebie 5 anymore. We’ll get to that later. And it has nothing to do with the afterparty. From what I can remember, the afterparty was fun. There’s a huge bruise on the side of my head. I have no idea why it’s there but it hurts to chew. It all happened during a blizzard. The storm was hilarious, except for the black eyeliner running half way down my cheek by the time we were indoors. This is what happens when you walk through the blizzard.

Anyway, most of the castmembers were there but I am crushed that we didn’t see Seth Meyers. Andy Samberg is sexy as f-ck in person. Jason Sudeikis is taller than you’d expect. All the new girls are super skinny. Keenan Thompson seems much younger in real life. Lorne Michaels is exactly the same in real life. And I washed my hands next to Sarah Silverman in the washroom who is so pretty and very thin. Jack McBrayer is as lovely and friendly as you want him to be. Never stopped smiling.

As for James Franco – he is so beautiful. SO beautiful. Walked in beaming. Very happy. Hair sticking up everywhere. Trailed by the girlfriend who is much cuter live and up close. Seems like she’s the boss. All business, all hand motions and all decision making about where to go, where to sit, when to leave. She was dressed casually, not tarted up like some kind of trophy, which was cool, and they stayed close all night. Like in the same vicinity but engaging in different conversations. He didn’t move around much, sat at his table near the back, there was no blocked off VIP area, people were free to go wherever they wanted. Franco wasn’t as exhausted looking as I expected him to be. He’s very friendly. Like McBrayer he was always smiling. Did I mention he’s beautiful? He’s so beautiful in the face. Look at his official SNL photos. Gorgeous.

But…

Sweet Jesus his body right now. He used to be lean and lanky they way I like it. But as my friend LB noted, now it’s f-cking pear shaped. PEAR. SHAPED. With Robert Pattinson’s mothering hips. So weird because his face is so thin.

It alarmed me during the Tizzle Wizzle digital short. I mean…the THIGHS. They’re touching. Alarm turned to anguish during the Manuel Ortiz talk show. It looks horrible on my computer. I can only imagine how much on a regular sized tv. The tight pants. It’s wonderful that he has no vanity but f-ck, in these tight pants, I can’t accept his thighs in these tight pants. There is very little room on the Freebie 5 for these thighs in tight pants. See for yourself.

And in the jammies:

As for why Franco isn’t off the Freebie 5 completely –until the thighs are adjusted, I will simply think of him from the waist up. And the Kissing Family sketch was hot and hilarious.

He really was adorable during the monologue. Look at his face in the photo right before it starts.

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