Well now they’re just being dicks

December 3, 2015 21:32:40 Posted at December 3, 2015 21:32:40
Sarah Posted by Sarah

HBO released the first teaser for Game of Thrones season six, and it, like the poster, teases Jon Snow’s return. Or Blon Blarbarian’s return. Or whatever they call him when he inevitably comes back, because he is definitely coming back. The teaser focuses on Jon Snow’s dumb face before flashing back through the litany of past atrocities—I love that Sansa kissing Littlefinger is included alongside Robb Stark’s murder and Ned Stark’s execution—most of which are perpetrated against the Starks. Then we see Jon Snow bleeding out in the snow, still making that dumb face. And then—BRAN! Bran’s back! And the voiceover narrator is Max von Sydow, who will be playing the Three-Eyed Raven. Portentous.

Is the thing “they have no idea what’s going to happen” about Jon Snow’s resurrection? Maybe. Or maybe it’s the White Walkers. At the end of season five Jon Snow knew what was coming but those f*cking losers at the Wall were more interested in murdering him than preparing for the ice zombies about to descend on them. (F*ck you, Olly, I hope you’re the first one eaten by an ice zombie.) Or maybe it’s both. It’s not clear. What is clear is that Jon Snow will come back from the dead and HBO is being an asshole about it. No one fell for your sh*t, HBO. We all figured he was coming back like, half an hour after the finale aired, at most. Now, please use the next teaser/poster/whatever to answer this very important question: Did Sansa fall on Theon or not?

Previous Article Next Article