Apocalypse Glee

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 16, 2011 08:47:00 February 16, 2011 08:47:00

Written by Duana

Okay, so there’s a what-you-missed-on Glee which is basically just last week, plus some Sue. I get my eyes all ready to roll…

Will feels great until Emma runs in because she found that Sue is going to commit suicide. Title card. They find her lying in her school bedroom. Gummy vitamins. Guys, this is really, truly current! It’s so relevant to teens! Also, Sue has to insult Will’s hair.

Blondes. Sam and Quinn, for those keeping track. She has a Keebler hat on. He wants to go to ‘Colour Me Mine”. Is this a thing?

Sam believes Quinn when she says she did mouth-to-mouth on Finn to keep him from asphyxiating. I feel like they’re trying to tell me Sam’s dumb? Sam combs his hair like Justin Bieber. I am exhausted already…

…but when Sam shows up in a purple hoodie, I have to snicker at the resemblance. He gets stormed by tweens.

Brittany and Rachel talk? Rachel wants to be cool, she wants Brittany to wear her trends. Which of course Brittany does better than Rachel. Seriously Brit looks really cute in an earflap hat and a tank top. She also manages not to let Rachel’s furiousquickpacespeech bring her speaking up to a drawl.

Sue has a tantrum I AM SO BORED. Will and Emma try to bully her into being normal. Long story short, “Sue should be in Glee”. I want to kill myself.

Glee Club. Stupid tie. Lots of kids looking at Schuester like he’s dumb. Regionals this year has a theme, it’s “Anthem”. Sam says he’s Bieber now, and sings “Baby” and the Purple Hoodie is incredibly evocative. Girls in Glee love it. Guys don’t. OK.

Bathroom. Guys want to be Biebers with Sam because girls are bored. Finn thinks it’s weird because Bieber sucks.

Girls wear leg warmers on their arms now. Rachel is mad? I thought that was the point.

Sue journals. You know I hate this the most. She’s going to sink Glee from the inside, because kids like their cartoon villains to be reliably evil. Mercedes advises Sue. Nope, Rachel does. OK, she wants to learn to be a diva and YOU GUYS. The whole episode is saved for me because Rachel, Lea, spoofs being a diva “and the emotions are so much you have to close your eyes and turn your head and PUSH the emotions away!”

Sue meangirls Rachel and Mercedes into a diva off. OK.

Boys, hoodies. They’re all Bieber now. This song? Artie takes lead on “Somebody to Love”. They wear purple sneakers. Is that a thing for the Biebs?

Puck is begging Lauren for some action. She may have a proposition for him. OK, I’m kind of into how much she’s making him beg. Quinn agrees to the coaster painting date Sam proposed, or whatever that is.

Santana swans in in a 90’s bustier to tell Sam he’s on thin ice.

Hallway, and Quinn does look far more lit up and excited when she talks to Finn. Even though she’s talking about how sexy Sam is when he’s a Bieb.

Lauren kills all the other guys in wrestling. Hey, I don’t know if you got this, but Lauren is bigger than the average girl! Isn’t that SO funny and unusual?? She wants to sing for Glee, but she’s nervous. He tells her to picture everyone in their underwear.

Brittany comes in dressed like Rachel. Of course she looks cute. Finn is dressed like Bieber. The less said, the better. Mercedes and Rachel sing “Take Me Or Leave Me” from RENT, which I actually thoroughly enjoy. Do you think the Republicans who love this show for their kids know it’s originally sung by drug-addled lesbians?

They include the “who’s in your bed” line, so I guess that’s just…okay. Sue’s plan sucked because Rachel and Mercedes are friends now! But that’s obvious because you can’t sing that song and be unhappy. You guys, I think I just genuinely enjoyed my first Glee scene of 2011!!

Schue wants to take Sue on a date. Huh? They’re going to the pediatric cancer ward, because he sings to the poor kids. PLEASE. Anyway, they go to the kids, who all wear pajamas, and I suspect some of these are actually pediatric cancer patients, so who can possibly say an annoyed word about this scene? Not fair, at all actually. They sing “This Little Light of Mine”. Sue has a kid on her lap, and is touched.

OK, Quinn and Santana are dressed like Rachel, it’s adorable. They say they feel like Michelle Obama. Rachel is infuriated that the outfit is being interpreted as from Brittany instead of from herself. Rachel wants her money back from Brittany, who says she paid off The Sartorialist. Also, Rachel will never be a trendsetter.

Speaking of trends, Lauren is wearing a baggy tee underneath a strapless dress, which is a look I kind of LOVE. I think I might be getting a fever. Lauren gets Tina and Brittany to sing backup and sucks until she looks at everyone in their underwear, which mostly means slips and the occasional power rangers tee. Lauren sings “I know what Boys Like” by the Waitresses, and it’s great to see Lauren dance, but it certainly doesn’t show off her singing voice to hear her whine-singing.

Santana thinks James Earl Jones shot Martin Luther King. Anyway, she tells Sam he’s a dork. Also everyone thinks his mouth is too big. She says she’ll be his mistress, because Quinn cheated on him.

Sue demands Schue make the Glee club sing backup for her song and she demands no Bieber. Cut to Rachel and Finn in plaid shirts and jeans, and except for his toque (intentional usage), they look totally sexy. This song is called “Sing” by My Chemical Romance. Then everyone runs on in red plaid, and I don’t know enough about MCR to know what the plaid deal is? Someone help me out? They look like adorable lumberjacks. I…think I am liking another whole scene here. Like I would probably buy this track on iTunes….oops – just did.

Quinn tries to flirt with Sam, who tells her they’re done, because she cheated. He’s going out with Santana now. Quinn has the audacity to look sad.

Schue says their MCR song is great. Rachel doesn’t think it’s good enough for regionals. Schue is irritated with Rachel, again. She wants them to write their own song, or something. They put it to a vote, Schue really enjoys scrubbing the salt in Rachel’s wound. He’s a dick.

Sue enters, she’s lovin’ music. She’s the new coach for Oral Intensity, who is their direct competition, and can continue to ruin Schue’s life. He’s such a dumbass.

Rachel and Finn in the hallway. He wants to talk about how Rachel’s right – they need an original song. She wants to write one together but he says she can do it on her own. Then he says she’s best as the ‘old Rachel’ who he thinks is making a comeback, which is of course what she’s been saying through the whole ep.

Rachel does that thing where she’s pleased at what he said but also irritated he didn’t’ say more, and she can’t decide whether to be touched or hurt or both. Don’t tell me Lea Michelle doesn’t understand who this teenage girl is.

Attached – Lea Michele posing SO HARD at the Grammy Awards

Photos from Wenn.com and Jason Merritt/ROBYN BECK/Gettyimages.com

Tags: Glee , Lea Michele , Try
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