Gossip Girl Chinatown
You know it’s trouble when Chuck walks around saving people and being nice and sh-t and…giving massages. Where’s the bad? Not bad crazy but bad bad. Georgina’s bad has become Single White Female. Doesn’t count at all. The lack of bad means an increase in suck. Gossip Girl has sucked all season.
And Jenny and Eric continue to not matter.
The uselessness of their roles fascinates Duana. However Jenny’s getting a new love interest soon to be played by Kevin Zegers. But why would any boy find that attractive? The face is HORROR.
And worst still…our show, is it gone? Watching it just doesn’t bring the same fun.
We missed out on Hilary Duff’s debut episode last week because, again, Michelle was producing Toronto We Day and we were her cheerleaders. And even then, we didn’t miss much. Vanessa is a plot device, not a character. Scott is gross. Serena persists in not opening her mouth when she talks. And Chuck and Blair are turning into a middle aged couple.
Here are the kids on set this week and us below, still tripping over the sight of Dorota in street clothes.
Gossip Girl Weekly
Duana: I want Lilly's couch still. Badly
Lainey: Carter's back. SO HAPPY.
Michelle: if i recall correctly, you've already tried to buy that couch.
Duana: Holy....it's a whole season of catchups and yet nothing's happening.
Michelle: Carter's hair disgusts me.
Lainey: John Mayer's voice disgusts me!
Michelle: You're just not Comfortable with him
Duana: This is Kristin Bell's best gig ever.
Michelle: Every city shot makes me want to visit NYC.
Duana: WTF is Dan doing? WTF is Chuck's dressing-gown?
Lainey: i want chuck's jammies for christmas.
Michelle: PRODUCT PLACEMENT
Duana: Why is that chiar in every shot on this show?
Michelle: It reminds us that it used to hide LIly's bump
Duana: Someone please catch me up as to why Carter is referencing Dorotoa?
Michelle: Where is Blair's mother?
Lainey: Carter eats Chinese. Please. He's MINE.
Duana: Fired? Along with her 'incontheivable' dude.
Michelle: I love Serena's work attire.
Duana: I love what a tool Dan is. And yes, I would say "Sahshimi later"
Michelle: You so would. Could Vanessa add any more accessories?
Lainey: to match her makeup. and hair grease. WTF? Does she need that much?
Duana: No, she couldn't. and the egyptian queen motif is enough already.
Michelle: Georgina makes me look tanned.
Duana: Um, so much HoYay between these two!
Lainey: why is nate’s piece wearing a sari?
Duana: Michelle, can we work on a more sophisticated alternative for chair covers?
Michelle: GG @ dim sum. This is them being ethnic.
Duana: Why did Blair suddenly spontaneously turn 45?
Lainey: she was in shanghai but she just spoke cantonese. can't they hire a chinese consultant???
Michelle: they NEED you!
Michelle: How does Blair know women? She has ONE friend.
Duana: Who is his stepsister these days and WTF with the worm and the ground and the what?
Duana: O hai, Kelly Rutherford's earrings!
Lainey: serena's necklace doesn't like her breasts
Michelle: The girls have never been so covered up.
Duana: Klaus would have auf'd! The writers aren't even trying!
Lainey: i love how rich people address their kin. Thank you for stopping by.
Michelle: A middle class mother would have at least commented on how short her skirt was.
Duana: Or told her to eat something.
Duana: I love the Jenny and Eric puppet show. They're like....Lambchop and HushPuppy
Lainey: what is this? the parent trap???
Michelle: Ha - puppet show and parent trap. What's next?
Duana: Jem! michelle did you have Jem in California?
Duana: THESE "GIRLS" ARE 45!!!!
Michelle: Of course! Where do you think Jem lived?
Duana: I can't take the gigantic jewelry and the crazy lady eyes.
Michelle: This is what I don't get... what is G's motivation now?
Lainey: Single White Georgina!
Duana: Being crazy? Hmmm, wine would be goooooood now.
Lainey: She's fixated. I buy this. Just not over Dan.
Duana: Why didn't I start this episode with some wine?
Michelle: So she's over Blair and all about Dan? Weird.
Duana: She's somehow - all of this is to get at Blair? Maybe she loves Chuck?
Michelle: I guess she likes his new side part.
Michelle: Do you think they ask permission to use Orlando Bloom's name?
Duana: No way, it's "Positive to neutral"
Michelle: I oddly like the dynamic between Vanessa and Georgina
Lainey: Vanessa is a plot device. She is not a character. This is why she needs to be overaccessorised. Poor thing.
Duana: Because Georgina's the only one over whom Vanessa has power.
Duana: Jenny doesn't EAT, rufus, don't be dumb!
Lainey: PARENT TRAP!!!!!
Michelle: good call!
Lainey: not as good as your georgina penmanship
Duana: Here's the thing, kids at home, DON"T PARENT TRAP your parents.
Michelle: I think Eric was wearing a Tim Horton's uniform shirt.
Duana: ALSO, take it from someone who knows - don't hook up your friends parents with your own it doesn't look like it does on TV.
Michelle: E stop getting turned on by Chuck's massaging.
Michelle: "future NASCAR mom" amazing
Lainey: Du's right about Blair and Chuck turning into old people.
Lainey: the outline of Jenny's legs is grossing me out.
Duana: "I have tension!" Like, is he gonna rub her bunions next?
Michelle: Ah finally this is a legitimate discussion: the Vanessa really loves Dan thing
Lainey: rufus opened for SONIC YOUTH. Please. PLEASE.
Duana: Also, rufus and Lily had a history. I forgot all about this.
Lainey: because they canned it.
Lainey: after the pilot. that sucked.
Michelle: But I love being reminded EVERY episode.
Duana: Oh, "certain expectations". Sometimes I want to hit Lily
Michelle: Sorry, am I watching Dan and Serena fight?
Lainey: Point Michelle.
Duana: Where did Vanessa's acting 'skills' GO?
Michelle: Vanessa is growing on me in this episode. Maybe it's because she enunciates.
Duana: No, that's her hair, growing on you
Michelle: It's like a fungus.
Michelle: Do you ever stare at photographs pensively?
Lainey: do you ever close your eyes posing?
Michelle: I wish I did.
Duana: Guys, you have to think about this. They would rather give a subplot to RUFUS AND LILLY than to Jenny and/or Eric.
Michelle: Wow. You're right. What does this mean?
Duana: The two of them are decoration. They're like the much-younger-kid/surprise pregnancy/adoptee on 80's sitcoms
Michelle: Please see Leonardo Di Caprio as runaway in Growing Pains.
Duana: Also Chrissy on growing pains, Jonathan on who's the boss, olivia on The Cosby Show, etc
Michelle: Du - do they actually audition actresses for the new Mean Girls?
Duana: Are you kidding me? Those girls won out over 10 others, I promise. They audition for EVERYTHING.
Duana: VANESSA. They're called LAYERS. Look into them! I could SKI off the side of her hair right now.
Lainey: woah. watch it about the layers. I only discovered them 5 months ago.
Duana: You don't have a STIFF SLOPE coming off the side of your eyebrow
Duana: Wouldn't it be "botanical garden"?
Duana: Now, THAT Orlando Bloom reference is NOT positive to neutral
Lainey: trachtenberg needs makeup on her arms.
Duana: Someone pelase talk to me and confirm that georgina just asked a faceless person about ass-caressing.
Lainey: too busy watching serena's bouncing breasts bounce a necklace
Michelle: Chuck's hair is better this episode.
Duana: I'm watching a chuck/carter faceoff, E, I thought you'd still be here.
Duana: And you're right, his hair is magnificent.
Michelle: Why is Carter's hair a huge grease ball?
Duana: Because he's BAD.
Duana: And because they've decided to exacerbate his passing resemblance to Spencer Pratt.
Lainey: NOOOOOOOOO. you did not just compare him to spencer prat. Why do you hate me?
Duana: He LOOKS like him!
Michelle: So Serena is Upper East Side's answer to Heidi?
Lainey: Carter? he does NOT. Take it back take it back.
Michelle: Sonic Youths. I miss Dorota.
Duana: Um, I love the outfits and I love them being nice to Dorota and I love Blair in chartreuse.
Lainey: Nate's piece. Floral tits. that's ALL she wears
Michelle: p.s. while in Anthropologie today, I realized the OCD teacher in Glee wears everything Anthropologie but all at once.
Duana: vanessa in yellow is nice.
Duana: Why can't anyone wear yellow?
Lainey: what colour, exactly, is jenny's hair?
Duana: cream chair after brown cat has laid on it?
Michelle: Blonde hair dipped in a puddle?
Duana: Small child running?
Lainey: Serena's dress might be the best black dress i've ever seen.
Duana: It's navy, no?
Duana: With blacks
Lainey: whatever. Best.
Michelle: It even holds the girls in.
Duana: What does Serena DO? She just drifts through these episodes - like, what?
Duana: If you two weren't here I don't think I could watch a whole episode.
Lainey: i love how G's wardrobe decline has matched her mind.
Duana: and her hair is unbrushed.
Duana: Look how much purple at the wedding? Like the one I was at this weekend.
Lainey: Dorota in street clothes is KILLING me.
Duana: Um, watch the children STORMING across the green...
Michelle: Do Lily and Rufus have any friends? Or just their children?
Duana: He's 15 feet away, rufus, he didn't get that goddamn far!
Duana: Serena needs to mumble now
Duana: some more. Again.
Michelle: Carter's lips are joker-like
Lainey: i'm telling you. it's carter's overbite. i want.
Duana: Her cousin beth's brothers look like thugs.
Duana: I realize that's the point, but I mean, they've never seen the upper east side in their lives.
Lainey: they look like slytherins
Michelle: They're from Texas!
Duana: I kind of love lily's cynicism though
Duana: Like, given Rufus' irritable love will conquer all, and Lily's cynical walls - I get it
Michelle: Wow in this episode they've gone for dim sum AND been in Chinatown. What's next?
Lainey: coach factory outlet
Duana: HAHAH Woodbury Common
Michelle: That's where you probably take the Woodbury Commons bus from!
Duana: Your children is grown, Lil. They're not getting a new father.
Michelle: No botox for k.ruth. love it.
Lainey: her ex husband would probably reveal it in custody court.
Duana: Rufus is starting to look a little like Ricky Gervais. And not just because I saw the world's worst movie tonight.
Duana: that guy's grody
Lainey: invention of lying is bad?
Michelle: I didn't mind The Invention of Lying.
Michelle: Um that's Kim Gordon.
Duana: like what?
Michelle: Like is Sonic Youth there?
Duana: Oh, ahhah serena, kissing is gross.
Duana: WHO KEEPS TRACK OF THESE CHARACTERS?
Duana: What did Blair do today? Nothing?
Michelle: She helped organize the wedding, no?
Lainey: is serena naked?
Michelle: Yikes, I see Thurston Moore in the background. It's gonna happen...
Lainey: are we going to the basement to play board games?
Duana: You know what's boring? Four kids being UTTERLYOK with their secret-half-brother showing up
Duana: and wanting to play board games. Thanks for the drama, SHOW.
Michelle: And no one cares that Sonic Youth(s) is playing?!
Lainey: how is Blake Lively's body even POSSIBLE?
Michelle: Who is their cameo for? The Show Runner?
Duana: OPEN YOUR MOUTH, Serena! You inexplicably like some guy, the least you can do is care!
Lainey: i like the way they talk about people in last name terms. it's very exciting. the Buckleys.
Duana: Also, way to walk right in front of the band, Nate.
Michelle: Does Nate ever date a normal girl? Does Vanessa count?
Duana: "It's Texas". What is this, FNL?
Michelle: I don't think Beth's ever been to Dillon, Texas.
Duana: Jenny, clean your FACE!
Duana: No you're not, prince alexi. You have a stupid flattop
Michelle: He looks like a hockey player.
Lainey: REALLY? Bulgarian prince escape hatch?
Michelle: But how else will they make Siberia jokes in the next episode?
Duana: I’m pretty over University.
Duana: Guys - I think our show is gone.
Michelle: University can't be the excuse. They're just being lame. no?
Lainey: should we break up with it and start sleeping with student choir?
Photos from Splashnewsonline.com and DAVID KRIEGER/Bauergriffinonline.com