Ben is hot? Or Ben is not hot?
Written by Duana
Previously on Gossip Girl, Chuck had to stand in front of a seated Blair in order to look tall, Serena yelled at mom and Ben about liking Ben, and Rufus decided the appropriate way to deal with it was to give Ben a loft. Also, Chuck likes Reyna whose father is going to buy Bass, and Eric is in the clutches of Damian “Drug Dealer” Zegers.
Sun flare, NYC. GG says a little prayer each morning. Reyna, in another jewel tone dress, tries to kick Chuck out, but he jumps her.
Blair swans into W in a skirt I ADORE. Everly(?) dumps work on her. Sigh. Serena checks her messages – no dice. Dan opens the door to a parole officer and Ben, and Rufus like “what’s your problem”?
Chuck wants to get physical with Reyna’s vibrating phone. She stops sexing to answer her daddy’s phone call, and jumps off the Chuck.
W. Everly is fussed about a band something, and yells at Blair re: her upcoming performance review. Blair realizes Emily needs to get laid and the girl who gets lines opposite her gives the worse rendition of the words “Pimp DADdy” ever. B’s going to pimp her with Chuck.
Rufus tells his adopted son he can have the run of the place while Dan sulks in the corner. Rufus says he told Dan he might do this but Dan doesn’t seem to remember. Dan tells his dad Lily and Serena are going to be mad, but we know that ain’t true…
Park. Eric’s freezing. He waits for Damian, who blows off the movie. He might have to blow town. Eric is all concerned – Damian implies it’s about Ben. And the wheels begin to turn…Damian says Ben ‘jumped’ him and Eric vows to figure something out.
Pool(table). Chuck in a suit, Nate in clothes that guarantee he never leaves the house. Chuck wonders how long he’ll have to shtup Reyna before she tells her dad not to buy Bass industries. Blair arrives, announces to Chuck they’re taking over one of the hotels. He nods, they need each other’s help. Hooray!
Finally, Serena. My vocal cords weren’t strained enough. She eats berries by hand from a bowl which is NOT going to be good for her manicure. Dan is irritated Serena is naïve about Ben and Juliette being oh, SIBLINGS. Serena’s willful, Dan calls her on having a crush. Then Ben calls.
Meanwhile, Eric’s libido makes him yell at Dan that Ben is dangerous.
Blair asks Chuck to service Everly. He’s flattered, but busy. Blair’s all “no kidding, dude, she’s a girl, flatter her”. She’s adorable when she’s advising him. Then it turns out she can pimp Nate.
When is something going to happen here?
Eric and Dan stew over Ben. Damian Zegers appears, Dan and his duckbill hair say they won’t help Zegers.
The hotel. Reyna and Daddy are ready to buy, Chuck appears, somehow takes Reyna to lunch and Dad implies he hopes they’re good in bed together.
Serena apologizes for buying Ben a fancy bookcase and ‘The Count Of Monte Cristo’. Which apparently was a seduction tool for her. He invites her for lunch. I love these New York days that are 36 hours long.
Nate and Everly are on a date while Blair pushes him to bang her. She implies he’s bad in bed and Everly heads back to the office. Oh, they’ve been saying “Florence And The Machine” seventeen times so I take it they might appear.
Lunch. Chuck grew up in the hotel! Waiters were his waiters! Or…brothers! Reyna moved into a hotel too, because her mom left. They’re the same! Chuck vaguely wonders if banging her wouldn’t have been easier.
Loft. Serena and Ben flirt. She pretends she can’t take a spicy tuna roll, which in my mind equals AMATEUR. Hasn’t she been eating sushi since she was three? Ben feels at home in the loft, so - sorry about that, Dan. Who comes home, and Serena busts out. Ben pretends he understands Dan’s concern, which is the most concerning of all. Also, his phone rings saying “Juliet”. I like when this show tells me how to spell people’s names.
Chuck is being open for Reyna loudly on the phone, who overhears him. On the other end of the phone, Blair works her scheme, how charming Nate thinks Reyna is. Both plans work – Nate spirits off to flatiron his hair before the party.
Serena appears and Blair tells her she only cares about Ben because he pisses off her mother.
Dan and Ben bitch about where plates go. Ben didn’t know Dan lived here. I do not understand how Lainey thinks this skinny-necked turtle is attractive. (Lainey: HOT) They dickswing over who is or isn’t with Serena.
I love that W is having another party tonight. It’s the best. Ben’s going with S.
Blair tries to talk Everly into going to the party. “Trust me, it’s like riding a very cute bike.” B swears she’ll coordinate calls for Everly’s job and then immediately fails to do so. Hooray!
Photogs, dresses. I love this sequence every time. B is unsubtle in pushing Nate and Everly together. Nate says “Epperly” which, if that’s her name, I’m going to die.
Serena is dressed in a lot of pink sparkly…something. She kind of looks like my mom. Ben is all “These parties? Every week?” He’s not long for this world.
Reyna. Jewel Tones. They play each other. Reyna is looking for his hiding place (not a euphemism).
Damian purposely falls into Ben – then they threaten each other. If they were attractive, this would be hot. Sorry,Lainey. (Lainey: I agree. Damian is short and gross) Eric’s wearing eyeliner. Dan doesn’t want to call the cops on Ben until he reveals violent tendencies. But then he does. Damian informs Eric he needs to punch him in the face.
Bad intern informs Blair all gift bags are gone and Epperly is going to be mad. GAH. Remember when her name was Emily?
Reyna (Raina?) and Chuck make cute in the kitchen. She says she can keep him from losing the palace hotel. Then her daddy appears. He’s mad and says Chuck kept her away on purpose. Chuck, who’s never had to shave ever, looks guilty .
Serena introduces people poorly, and Ben wants to jet. Zegers and Eric appear to frame Ben, who won’t defend himself.
Florence and the Machine. Not the song the baby dances to in the youtube vid. Serena is still trying to understand why Ben would hit anyone. Dan basically unfurls how he framed Ben and Serena heads off.
Reyna checks to make sure Chuck really is a horrible person. He’s all “I didn’t love you until today, but now I do.” She’s unmoved. Ed Westwick tries to emote, to little effect.
Florence’s outfit is bad.
Ben’s parole officer is chewing the scenery all over the place, and Ben kind of puts up with it. S comes running out to get Ben to defend himself, but he’s uninterested.
Blair’s dress has, like, red satin suspenders. He informs that Epperleigh (why not?) ran off with some Brit, and Blair has to move all the gift bags by herself.
Zegers dumps Eric unceremoniously for the second time in as many weeks.
Dan at the bar. Rufus arrives. Love this. Rufus is mildly surprised Dan doesn’t want Ben around. Rufus thought he was doing the right thing. Eric appears, confesses. He hit Damian, not Ben. Dan runs off in search of helping. PLODDING PLEASE STOP SO BORING.
Dumbo. Bedtime. Dan talks to Rufus, looks for Eric. Rufus is not so concerned that he can’t have juice. Ben arrives, wants an apology from Dan, who really needs to be wearing a T shirt under his sweater.
Dan begs Ben to stay living with him, Serena said he should be trusted. She appears from a bedroom like a Barbie dream house. Wait, what? Dan leaves for Nate, inexplicably, as Serena does the slow stride of seduction.
Eric comes in with coffee, Rufus wants to ‘talk’. Eric points out he has no other friends so why wouldn’t he hang with Damian? Rufus does the whispervoice of ‘that kind of guy is always around’.
Hotel. Chuck’s too-tight suit. Reyna in grey. Apparently Blair called her and told her everything. CB “When it comes to me, Blair has a nasty habit of never being wrong”. They agree to keep business separate, for another week. Winsome music? What?
CB texts Blair “Thank You”. Blair is fussed about what Epperly is doing. She comes in, and announces she quit. Blair doesn’t want her to quit – until Epperly announces she’s the queen of the interns. It’s going to involve 6 AM start time and six blackberries. Yay?
Reyna, in purple, says Daddy has to help Chuck be part of the new company after he buys it. Daddy does that ‘squinting and proud’ thing that real parents don’t.
Nate and Dan find Damian at his apartment. They told his Daddy he was doing drugs. So – that part was true then?
Serena and Ben, eyef*cking and murmuring about how nothing will drive them apart. UGH. Exhausting. More Blair next time, please and thanks?
Apparently, next time Blair wears a brocade dress, so that’s already promising. Also a gold lame blazer.
(Lainey: attached – Ed Westwick being grossly and shamefully hot – also ridiculous – in London today at the Chalet Girl premiere with the up and coming Felicity Jones, avoiding America while his ex-girlfriend’s new boyfriend basks in the glow of the Super Bowl.)
Photos from Wenn.com