Chinese GOOPY

February 11, 2010 11:21:10 Posted at February 11, 2010 11:21:10
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Sunday February 14th. It’s a big day. It’s Chinese New Year. Very, very important. Of course, because she’s so spiritual, and because she’s, like, totally Asian and knows how to take all the calories out of an Asian salad, and brown rices everything, this week’s GOOP newsletter is all about the Year of the Tiger. And of course she’s asked an expert in Chinese medicine, Adele Reising, to tell her faithful followers all about the significance of the Tiger and how to prepare.

Then comes a long discussion about recipes, even a recipe for congee. CONGEE! As if Gwyneth Paltrow would eat congee. Real congee? Real congee is made with white rice. White rice is what G would consider the bad rice. And stop. Stop right there. Do not email me about brown rice congee. Anyone who serves brown rice congee is asking for a Chinese Squawking Chicken beatdown.

Gwyneth Paltrow eats congee?

Does she eat congee with pork and preserved eggs? THAT is congee.

As for the Year of the Tiger...

Well, guess who’s a Tiger?

My mother, the Chinese Squawking Chicken is a Tiger. Now SHE could tell you about the Year of the Tiger. Not the Macriobiotic Year of the Tiger offered by GOOP but the kind of Year of the Tiger advice that is really useful. And what many of us will be doing this weekend. We will NOT be taking a WINTER BATH...what?


We will be cleaning. We will clean before Sunday. We will not clean for at least 3 days after Sunday, longer if you can help it. No washing hair on Sunday. Try not to until at least Monday night. If you can make it Tuesday, even better. Get rid of last year’s sh-t. Empty the fridge. Gather around as many people as you can. Celebrate with people, share your energy, enjoy a hearty dinner, surrounded by family and friends. Do not hold back. No “watching your diet”. Not on this night. And that’s just the beginning. And it has nothing to do with running a fragrant f-cking tub full of essential oils.

Click here for today’s GOOP.

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