Gwyneth Will Be Attacked!

May 1, 2008 08:12:22 Posted at May 1, 2008 08:12:22
Lainey Posted by Lainey

By the Brangelunatics!

But first – style before smut. Here’s my girl at the LA premiere of Iron Man last night in a killer jumpsuit few could pull off showing off her flat chest. LOVE no tits! Love the plunging back!

Gwyneth’s appearance on Jonathan Ross will air Friday in the UK and in an effort ingratiate herself with normal people, she reveals that she’s given up her macriobiotic diet (since having children) and now loves fried food and red wine:

"I was seriously macrobiotic for four years. When I got pregnant, it changed. I couldn"t go near anything healthy. I love anything fried – fish and chips – Branston pickle, red wine."

Gwnnie is also apparently helping with the fashion economy. Selfridges is calling it The Gwyneth Effect – as a result of her sky heeled outings recently, sales of 6 to 7 inch shoes have increased 35%.

All this to sell her new movie.

But just when things were looking good – Iron Man is receiving outstanding reviews – my girl, per usual, goes and opens her big ass mouth and alienates the crazies you simply don’t want to f&ck with.

They are the Brangelunatics: the fervent fans of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie who will probably now torpedo any hopes of Iron Man winning the box office – today they will be hating on Gwyneth Paltrow. Because Gwyneth Paltrow did this:

According to OK! Magazine Gwyneth was asked last night on the carpet if she wanted to send any well wishes to Brad Pitt who OK! Magazine says is planning a wedding (for the 88th time!) to Angelina Jolie.

Gwyneth supposedly “twisted her mouth and pertly pronounced "No!"

Come on. You might hate her but you also have to love her for never letting her cold ass bitch take a break. And it"s cheesy when they do that on the carpet, non? I hate asking it, I can imagine how lame it is to answer it.

Still... Gwyneth can"t just go with the flow.

Instead of providing a perfunctory response like – oh I wish him well – and moving on, Gwyneth HAD to be principled. She had to stick with her privacy policy. She had to continue living that farce – that song and dance she keeps playing about drawing the line between personal and professional.

She will be accused of course of bitterness against the Brange, and her one word answer will no doubt be interpreted as such. The way she’d defend herself is that she’d rather not be fake and send regards to two people she doesn’t care for than do it for the sake of endearing herself to everyone. She is not Jennifer Aniston.

Still. There is no fury like Brangelunatic fury. Gwyneth will get hers. And it’s really too bad. Because Iron Man is a great movie. And Robert Downey Jr deserves a big hit.

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