GOOPy feels sorry for you

January 7, 2009 13:33:17 Posted at January 7, 2009 13:33:17
Lainey Posted by Lainey

My Gwyneth is hyping up her GOOP. Interview with USA Today explaining the motivation behind the launch of her newsletter, the vision behind it, why she’s so amazing, and how she doesn’t give a sh-t if you hate her. Simply put: it’s YOUR problem. MY problem. If we don’t get it, it means we’re bitter, and negative, and have nothing better to do but cut people down.

Oh G. I know. I write a gossip blog.

On how she’s qualified to be an authority on good taste and amazingness and why you should want to live like her. Because all her friends do:

I have this incredible, blessed, sometimes difficult, very lucky, very unique life, and I've gotten to travel all over the place and to work and live in different cities. … I go on tour with my husband and go to cities I would never necessarily go to. So I started accruing all of this information. I am the person my friends call when they want to know: "I am redoing this bathroom, and I want a sink that looks midcentury, but a contemporary version of a midcentury. Where should I go?" or "How do I make your (recipes)?" … I thought this would be a fun, creative way to share with friends.

To sum up: she rolls with royalty and celebrities but is the last word on good taste and style.

On how she’s an artist and the GOOPs is another way for her to convey her talent and superior status:

I actually love doing all of it. We have great fun coming up with the recipes and testing them and feeding everyone in the house and asking, "What do you think of this? What do you think of that?" I also really enjoy the writing part, and I usually do that when my kids are asleep, and I just take a few minutes. I am by nature a very creative person, and I really can only do one movie a year because my kids are so small, and if I miss even two days of their lives, they're gone.

To sum up: she’s the best mother ever because she’s rich enough to find ways to monetise her parenting time and you suck if you have to slog it out at a real job without enriching your children’s lives.

On what she thinks of you if you hate on her privileged existence:

I think part of the problem is people get a hit of energy when they are negative about something, and it is a very detrimental way for them to get that hit of energy. They do not understand why they do not have a happy life. That kind of stuff is just noise to me. I just feel sorry for them.

To sum up: she’s thin and beautiful and used to date Brad Pitt and you’re fat.

Now that’s more like it. I thought I lost her, you know? I thought she was trying to be Us. But it turns out she’s not. She’s better than Us. And she’s back to remind us of it too.

To read the full article and soak up all of Gwynnie’s justifications and self aggrandisement, click here.

File photo from Wenn.com

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