GOOPy, are you poor?

March 11, 2010 16:31:04 Posted at March 11, 2010 16:31:04
Lainey Posted by Lainey

I worry a lot about Jessica Simpson. All the time. And sometimes I worry for Carey Mulligan. I worry that she’ll get swept away. But I have never worried for Gwyneth. Girls like Gwyneth, connected like Gwyneth, raised like Gwyneth, they always end up ok. I thought.

But there are cracks in the upper crust. There are signs that Gwyneth is hustling. Not that Gwyneth has never hustled but right now she looks like she *has* to hustle. And this is the difference. She’s so much less selective about the hustle. It’s not just a luxury bag and some perfume anymore. These days she’s opening hotels and walking random carpets, accepting trips to foreign lands just to have to her photo taken – moves that once upon a time were beneath her. And, worse still, she looks like hell.

A few months ago it was Gwyneth and Jennifer Aniston, new BFFs, holding hands in Morocco on Thanksgiving weekend at the re-opening of La Mamounia. Yesterday G showed up in Abu Dhabi for the Laureus Sports Awards. With all due respect to the Laureus Sports Awards, what the f-ck is GOOPy doing there?

Well, she presented an award. Random. Oh wait, let me guess. This is for GOOP. For GOOPy research? Sure it is. More on that in a minute. Right now, we need to focus on why my golden Gwyneth looks like such washed out, washed up sh-t. OMG. I don’t think I’ve seen her look worse.

To be fair, it could have been the light. And she’s mid-sentence and no one looks good mid-sentence... but still. There is a fatigue and darkness about G’s eyes that I’ve not seen there before. A new sadness that she can’t camouflage, and perhaps as such, the superiority has been shaken. No matter the occasion, no matter the ensemble, Gwyneth Paltrow has never looked less than totally confident and smug about her own presence. She usually meets the critics with an expression of privilege you can’t teach – it’s always been her answer to how much you hate her, it was the face she wore at the Oscars in 2002. When she worked it in that Alexander McQueen that everyone ragged all over and that almost patient pitying look she gave back as if to say: you minions, this is a mother-cking Alexander McQueen, you just don’t know, you just don’t know how far behind you are. And in retrospect she was right.

But where is she now?

Because that girl, on this night, at the Laureus Sports Awards (!), that girl is gone.

That expression is gone.

That expression has been replaced by a weary blonde going through the motions, in an unoriginal dress, knowing what she’s doing is beneath her, but mysteriously compelled to anyway...

You see now why I’m worried?


Is she poor?

I find it hard to believe she’s poor.

Anyway, speaking of poor, GOOP actually deigned to offer the “affordable” options in the newsletter today. Finally something interesting – Spring Shopping!

She models the seasons latest in a series of rather unflattering shots, suggests a few outrageously priced items, and balances them out with their counterparts from H&M and Zara. I can almost hear her sneering. As if she doesn’t own the Balmain cargo pants for $4,000.

But yay to Canadian label Smythe for getting GOOPy approved!

Click here for the new GOOP.

PS. Gwyneth and I, we did our hair the same this week. Two braids. Me at the Oscars, she at the Laureus Sports Awards. Here I am with Tanya Kim before the start of the show. Yes, that’s a hoodie. It’s cold and drafty around the Kodak.

Photos from and Gareth Cattermole/David Cannon/John Gichigi/

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