Gwyneth & Madonna are not fighting

Lainey Posted by Lainey at April 6, 2010 09:24:21 April 6, 2010 09:24:21

Let’s get this out of the way right away. Many of you have written today asking about Gwyneth Paltrow’s interview with UK Vogue during which she talks about breaking up with a friend. That friend is NOT Madonna.

Remember, they were out together just FIVE DAYS AGO. Click here for the photos. The Vogue piece would have been written weeks in advance in order to make print deadlines. G is not referring to Madonna. And her quip about Tracy Anderson not training Madonna anymore was a joke, it was a friendly bitch tease. Because the fact is, Madonna DOES keep people waiting. Even her friends. Even Gwyneth. And she still eats it. Because it’s one thing to eat it from Madonna... it’s another to eat it from someone else.

"Yeah, it's good that she doesn't train Madonna any more. It was too much. She keeps people waiting - it takes up your whole day”.

So if it’s not Madonna, who is it? This is the 2nd time in as many months that Gwyneth has referred to a friendship that she’s shutting down. She previously alluded to it in her GOOP newsletter. Click here for a refresher. In UK Vogue, she commented on the situation again:

"Oh yes, I can be mean. I can cave in to gossip. I can ice people out and I can definitely harbour revenge. In fact, I'm having a situation right now with a friend where I'm feeling pretty angry. But revenge is corrosive and it doesn't make me feel good. I'll wake up in the morning and think, 'Ugh, I feel terrible', and suddenly realise, 'Ah, that's why. I'm holding on to so much hate.'"

I think it’s that scraggly Kate Bosworth. They were friends, she was part of the Stella McCartney circle too, then last fall Chris Martin was reportedly seen making out with Bosworth at a concert. He denied it and threatened to sue but never did and since then, Kate hasn’t been seen around the crowd. They fired her anorexic ass from the club.

Gwyneth is normally above it though. Not above it behind closed doors, but raised to front like she’s better than the petty sh-t that civilians have to live through. The fact that she cannot let this one go is testament to how deeply she was humiliated. Please. I would too. If there was another woman, I’d go f-cking Chinese mah-jong on her ass.

Before you start to feel for Gwyneth though, don’t worry, she doesn’t miss out on an opportunity to remind you that she’s better than you are. G is opening a gym in London with Anderson. For the rich and snotty, selling the promise that your body can be like hers:

"Oh, I had to work hard to get it like this, but now I'm here it's so great because I don't have to think about it. I can just enjoy life. What a relief is that. I can eat what I want, as long as I exercise, which is just as well, because if I put the word' diet' into my brain, I immediately gain a stone."

Gwyneth Paltrow, rail thin, gained 20 pounds, which puts her probably normal sized, and she’s talking like it was her “obese era”. By all means, throttle her.

But please. Save it with the complaint about her use of the word “stone”. That’s the weight measurement in the UK. Yeah she’s American, but she lives there now. And she’s giving an interview to a British publication. And if a British person gave an interview to an American publication and used “pounds”, would you tell them to f-ck off for appropriating local standard in their conversation? No... you wouldn’t notice. Just the same way that people are never criticised for “losing” their accents when they move to North America but always criticised for “developing” an accent when they move overseas. It’s the same.

Anything else you want to criticise her for though, please go right ahead. She really is amazingly insufferable. I love her that way. Especially when she’s trying to pretend she’s all MiniVan Majority:

"... because I have this whole other passion, which is home-making. I always have done, since I was little. As silly as that sounds - it's not 1955, after all - it's really important to me, all that stuff, sitting round a table as a family." With an apple orchard surrounding them, and a personal gym attached to the house, and servants on call, and Valentino designing her aprons.

For more on G’s interview with UK Vogue, click here.

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