Haley Joel Osment: A child star rebounds
May 9, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at May 9, 2006 12:00:00
For his sake - thank Goddess. Because a little over a year ago, he looked like this. And at the time, I worried he"d never lose his virginity without paying for it. Fortunately, teen gawkiness appears to be receding and Joel - I"m calling him Joel - actually shows a few signs of potential hunkiness. I"m very relieved for him. However, one problem remains. And I don"t mean to offend anyone, but the name…the name hurts me. The name is an immediate dealbreaking loin closer, isn"t it? Haley?? Haley for a boy? Sorry folks, but Haley is the kind of name you give a guy who cries and cuddles after orgasm. Once upon a time, when I still wanted to have children, my husband and I used to debate baby names. Like many chicks, I favoured the romantic, literary ones. The Shakespearean characters, the ones who"d kill their foe and deliver a sonnet and die heroically at the every end. I was all over those kinds of names. Needless to say, whenever I proposed these names, the uncultured boar I married would screw up his face and say - what kind of a name is Thane??? Thane??? You want my kid to get eaten alive at school??? And you know what? It"s not right and it"s definitely not OK… but he did have a point. After all, look how many of you have ridiculed my Gwyneth for calling her kids Apple and Moses. Which is why I"m happy that Haley was a child actor, growing up in a more tolerant environment. I"m sure he was spared the insensitivity. Going forward however, I"m thinking it might be more advantageous, especially during poon pursuits, to permanently stick with Joel. Just a suggestion.