Humphrey Hate-on

November 11, 2008 10:02:00 Posted at November 11, 2008 10:02:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

They say Brooklyn is cool. If Brooklyn is so cool, why do the Humphreys live there? Because the Humphreys all suck ass. All of them. Ugh.

Last night’s Gossip Girl wasn’t the best. Probably because there wasn’t enough Chuck. Mostly because there was too much Dan. And Jenny. And that smarmy too hipster little Aaron is a cheese noodle. Which is not the same as a cheese dick. Because at least a cheese dick is entertaining. Aaron is not entertaining. Aaron is just damp, limp, and unwelcome.

Anyway, every Monday night I watch GG with my girls. But because we live on opposite sides of the country, we end up “watching” over “chat”, which, like Television Without Pity, can be way funner than the actual show itself and results in most of the GG observations that appear on this site.

Many of you have asked for a GG liveblog. We’re getting there. For now, this is the full text of our chat last night. And attached… Taylor Momsen, the dreadful Jenny Humphrey, on set yesterday in New York, bouncing back rather quickly from her overdose throat infection.

Duana:
Fake drama cop-out in the first 45 seconds, that's impressive. So we really didn't have to worry about J all week, and they were just toying with us? Also, why do I have to feel sorry for Rufus?

Michelle:
Because he's cooking dinner at breakfast.

Duana:
do 15 year olds care about Business managers or buyers? That needed at least one Olsen Twins reference to make it viable. I love Dorota SO MUCH

Lainey:
Aaron can't kiss

Lainey:
I officially hate all Humphreys and they should die

Duana:
Because he sold out his dad without flinching? Or because there is something really, really wrong with Taylor Momsen, and not that she can't modulate her voice?
Michelle:
Vitamin water jenga?!

Duana:
Soooooo......if the fashion people like the line, why does Jenny need Agnes?
When are Dan and Chuck going to kiss?

Lainey:
And...he still can't kiss.

Lainey:
Blair's hair is hurting this entire episode so far

Michelle:
At least serena's behaviour reminded me she's 17

Duana:
Dan has no friends. None.
Lainey:
Less than jessica simpson

Duana:
But like, even his own Dad doesn't like him. FYI, captioning spells Kim-Ly ...like that.
Michelle:
I'm so happy the teacher from Clueless is in this episode.

Lainey:
I hate how Agnes always talks with a lozenge in her mouth. And why is nicole kidman all over my gg???!?? (at this point, on the CW, some Australia costume design feature comes on to promote the movie. Facing Granny with no preparation is frightening.)

Duana:
I think that Blair's hair is on purpose. When she has her triumph at the end of the episode I'll bet her hair is perfect.

Duana:
What did I say? Perfect.

Lainey:
I am happy when Little J cries.

Michelle:
Is Bart ever not in a suit? Does he have a lounging suit?

Lainey:
Chuck saying "please" is the sexiest ever.

Michelle:
His colour combo is beyond dandy.

Duana:
HEEE HEEE HEE. Fine, you're a genius. In an uneven episode, I love Cyrus.

Michelle:
Blair's wearing a mackage coat.

Lainey:
Oh f-ck off with her lugging her luggage around!

Duana:
...is Momsen wearing a wig? It doesn't move. This storyline has nothing to do with anything and nothing to do with teenagers.

Michelle:
Who cares - Rufus sang.

Duana:
Ew, denim-shirt Rufus? Michelle, the things I don't know about you. Chuck is smoldering.

Michelle:
My sarcasm didn't come thru. Why does Bart sound like Will Arnett on Arrested Development?

Lainey:
Why does serena always greet guests in her nightgown?

Duana:
Ew, his dirty little moustache!

Michelle:
It's orlando bloom's fault.

Lainey:
Look for the camel toe. Wtf?

Michelle:
Her slip needed a slip! That wasn't a very good episode.

Duana:
Well, when you're wedging in guest stars and whatnot....But Blair and Chuck are the only truly consistent ones. I told Lara that Serena sucks because she fundamentally doesn't want anything. Blair and Chuck want EVERYTHING, which makes them great characters.

Lainey:
Brilliant Taha.
Duana:
No, but...she just meanders in and out of things. Does she want to be Aaron's muse, doesn't she? Do you care? Not really. You cared more about CYRUS! Who wanted something.

Michelle:
Maybe it's because she's just like her mother? And why don't we like it when Dan or Jenny want something?

Duana:
Because they have no flaws. I mean, they do, but their flaws don't get them into trouble. Chuck and Blair and hell, even Lilly get tripped up by their desires and it makes them human. Serena is perfect and boring, and Dan NEVER admits ever that he is wrong, and really, neither does Jenny.
Lainey:
Because they suck ass at the wanting. Wanting is an art too. Theirs is the "want whine". Chuck and Blair just take.

Duana:
Also, that's why we hate Rufus, by the way. Because he won't really make a play for LIlly, or his wife, he just sits back being celibate and pouty.

Photos from Splashnewsonline.com

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