When I first met my husband, the two women on his Freebie 5 were Cameron Diaz and Heather Graham. Obviously, I married a blind man who grew up in a trailer park. And while his mother would totally kill me if she knew I said that – because Poles are far, far from trashy (she pulls out the best silver EVERY time we go over for dinner. Even for bbq!) – this is a man who will take boobs over elegance and ass over class any day.
Needless to say, I was appalled. Hermy Diaz – we don’t have to go there. You are well aware of her boy bits and girl bits. But hey, le mari bought into the Something About Mary hype. He was susceptible to media manipulation. And at the time (6 years ago), she wasn’t so incredibly bitchy and manglefaced. I could sort of understand back then.
But Heather Graham??? Heather Graham defines cheap. Heather Graham, while pretty in that harmless, forgetful way, is a dime a dozen - a sunny blonde with great tits and blue eyes, an actress no lesss, and in Hollywood they’re as plentiful as the blow jobs they have to give to land themselves the part of “girl on the bus” in the next Brett Ratner movie.
Which is why after all this time, Heather Graham is still nobody. A nobody at the Diesel event, tottering around aimlessly, wearing the most bloody awful full length denim dress and a vacuous expression to go along with the air in her head. Seriously, gossips. Is a denim dress ever OK??? And will this girl ever stop dreaming the impossible dream? Full points for tenacity but you know, sometimes illusions can do more harm than good. No, I won’t say it. But I’m sure you know EXACTLY who I’m talking about.